Intimidated by the thick coat of snow over your driveway? Does your lower back ache just thinking about what’s in store? Well, maybe it’s time you went up to the attic and grabbed grandpa’s old WW2 flamethrower and put that baby to work. Melting snow with a flamethrower could be a tad dangerous, sure, but it would get the job done in half the time, and with half the physical effort! Whole swaths of snow will disappear before your red, tearing eyes!
One little spritz and the most intimidating piles of plow-displaced snow wouldn’t stand a chance. Those ugly mounds by where your driveway meets the street would collapse into hissing, gurgling puddles of oilwater. Quick and easy. Just try not to aim for your car or the telephone pole or your house and you’ll be fine.
One quick spritz of flame juice to the densest mounds, and then you can send your son in with a plastic shovel to sort of “clean up the neck,” if need be. Depending on your relationships with your immediate neighbors, you can even trudge over to their houses and flame-throw their driveways too.
The way I see it, the benefits to flame-throwing your driveway after a major snowstorm—as opposed to shoveling—are as follows:
Benefits to Flame-throwing your Snow-Covered Driveway
- Saves time
- Sterilizes the pavement
- Protects your back
- Impresses the kids
- Keeps you nice and toasty
So there you have it, folks. Show that snow who’s boss!
WP Readers, let me know if you can think of any additional benefits. I’ll add them to my list w/ link to your blog!