Crush the Mounds of Laziness: Make Your Bed ASAP!

Unmade bed humor

The terrible mounds of laziness.

I have a little trick to help you get more done on your day off. Don’t worry, this won’t require you to do anything you don’t already do. You probably already do this, you just need to do it a bit sooner. If you’d like to accomplish more with your day off: make your bed as soon as you get up.

Rumpled, bunched-up sheets at the foot of your bed send a message to your brain: “Chaos reigns.” Just looking at those warm mounds of laziness, accented by the soft morning sunlight slanting through the twirling dust mites, you feel like flopping yourself on the couch downstairs and sinking into the cushions and scanning the stations for Jerry Springer or Maury. Maybe Judge Judy too if it’s a good one.

Nor do you even have to look at the mounds of laziness to feel their effect. You can merely know that they’re there. You can sense the disorder and capitulation they signify even through the walls and the floorboards of your house. There you are, sitting there clicking through the channels with your sticky remote, finally getting ready for the adventure of climbing to your feet and checking the mailbox. This is going to be your big activity for the day.

But then you’ll remember about the mounds of laziness you’d left at the foot of your bed, and so you abort the adventure entirely. You’ll say something like this, “Eh, maybe one more episode. Jerry’s making some good points.”

made bed

If you want to keep the laziness at bay, never leave the scene of a wake-up without first making your bed.

Waiting until “whenever” to make your bed is sort of like letting yourself go, diet-wise. In the case with dieting, the sin is committed the minute you allow yourself to cheat on your diet and eat that first Devil Dog. We all know that once you eat it you can’t un-eat it, and therefore your whole squeaky clean dieting scheme is tainted, and so why bother at all? Ditch the frozen yogurt, bring on the fat-full ice cream! Let’s do this!

In the case with not making your bed, the sin is committed moments after you clamber to your feet and swat the alarm clock into submission. In that sleepy moment you have a choice to make: you can either make your bed while it’s still nice and warm, or you can flee the scene entirely and get started with your lazy Saturday.

The most you can hope to get accomplished in this latter scenario is to verify that your cable connection is, indeed, functioning at full capacity and that Walker, Texas Ranger is, indeed, still shown on certain channels if you sit around and wait long enough.

But if you go with choice A and groggily make your bed, a funny thing happens to your brain. Flattening the mounds first thing in the morning sends a signal to your hemispheres that you mean business! So what if this is a Saturday, your day to sleep in and be lazy and all that! You still have a choice, Neo!

Making your bed first thing in the morning, before laziness has a chance to sneak in and alter your trajectory, puts an entirely different spin on your day. Every time you walk by and see those flat, tucked in, Full Metal Jacket style bedsheets on your bed you’ll experience a feeling of accomplishment and well-being. You’ll be like, “Holy crap, even on a Saturday?!? I must be serious!”

Everything you do that day will be informed by the secret knowledge that the mounds of laziness have been vanquished and your bed is as flat as your voice mail greeting.

In lieu of being a couch potato you’ll actually accomplish amazing things, such as:

  • Writing a blog post you’ve been putting off for no particular reason.
  • Exercising
  • Tidying up the house
  • Paying some bills
  • Reconnecting with old friends
  • Practicing your swordplay in preparation for your upcoming battle with a fellow immortal inside the parking garage of Madison Square Garden. There can be only one.

I’m telling you. Never leave the scene of a wake-up without making your bed right away. Flatten those mounds. You’ll get more out of your lazy Saturday.

Readers, do you make your beds first thing in the morning? Do you let it slide on Saturday?

This post has been a late response to a prompt at the Daily Post. Check it out!

This entry was posted in Editorial, Funny Posts, Lists, Practically Humorous and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Crush the Mounds of Laziness: Make Your Bed ASAP!

  1. Tempest Rose says:

    I never make my bed. I’m one of those people who believes I’m just going to mess it up anyway, so what’s the point?

  2. Doobster418 says:

    When I wake up in the morning I first go to the bathroom to take a leak, wash my face, and brush my teeth. Then I go to the kitchen, brew up a pot of coffee and while it’s brewing, I go back into the bedroom to put on some daytime clothes. And then I make my bed. Because it’s the right thing to do.

  3. That’s still within the just-woke-up timeframe, as you didn’t technically start doing “stuff” before making your bed, so you’re in good shape. As long as you didn’t sit down after breakfast and start watching cartoons or something…

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