How Much Coffee is Too Much Coffee?

funny coffee picture

You’ll know you’re drinking too much coffee if you experience these 11 tell-tale symptoms.

How much coffee is too much coffee, you ask?

Coffee drinkers can tend to overdo it sometimes. Fact is, it’s very easy to drink too much coffee because caffeine can be a sort of a gateway drug to itself. It just leads to bigger and bigger ceramic mugs. Extra shots of espresso. One more scoop of Maxwell House. A bonafide caffeine buzz can lead to many a flighty, ill-advised decision, such as drinking a lot more coffee. “Can I top you off there, sir?” your waitress or manservant will inevitably ask. “Oh sure,” you’ll say before your brain has even finished processing the question. “Ya can never get too much coffee, right?”

Wrong! When you drink too much coffee the resulting caffeine overdose starts to nudge you onto unexpected, sometimes-embarrassing trajectories. Who knows what you’ll do! But how much is too much coffee? Really, there’s no easy answer, as everyone’s body is different. Some of you are big, some small, some young, some old. And caffeine content varies depending on your brand of coffee. Therefore we must deal with this question from a perspective of telltale, caffeine-related symptoms you can expect the moment you cross over into the drank-too-much-coffee zone.

11 Ways to Tell If You’re Drinking Too Much Coffee.

1. You start coming up with wacky inventions that have already existed for at least five years, such as robots that vacuum the rug while you’re not home.

2. When you look in the mirror you see an overloading Austin Powers Fembot.

3. You have already transported quite a few random objects—pens, cellphones, wallets, and snot rags—to strange corners of the house and then left them there, all whilst brainstorming some wildly inane subject, such as: “How long before they have flying cars? And will they be Fords, Chevys, or a completely new company that only does flying cars?”

4. You finally get (and laugh at) jokes that were told to you the week before. Which weren’t even all that funny in the first place.

5. There is a fairly large, rather magnificent castle of empty coffee mugs next to your computer. It emits a smell quite similar to the inside of a Starbucks.

6. You are standing on your roof and shouting to the neighborhood: “I am a golden god!” And then you realize you’re not on the roof at all—you’re actually sitting in the armchair in your living room merely  fantasizing about going up there on the roof.

7. You can’t fully remember the last time you’ve eaten a complete meal. Nor can you gauge if you’re even hungry or not. You’re simply too busy thinking about flying cars.

8. You start rehearsing in the mirror all the badass things you’re going to say to the next person who disrespects you in the slightest. Like, for example, what you’d say to the clerk at the liquor store calls you “boss” just one more time. Eventually you have to abandon the whole exercise for fear that you’ll turn into the Hulk and start breaking furniture.

9. You start seriously considering reconnecting with friends (via Skype) whom you haven’t talked to in 15 years, but then you realize that those friends never existed in the first place—you’ve made them up completely.

10. You are particularly annoying to your cat. It has already swiped at you at least once and is now playing dead. Or else you’ve killed it.

11. You write this article.

*drinking too much coffee isn’t always a bad thing. Check out this article over at Cracked about some of the unexpected benefits of drinking coffee.

Check out my article about the latest trend: coffee naps!

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2 Responses to How Much Coffee is Too Much Coffee?

  1. Doobster418 says:

    Three cups. That’s my limit. And I’m usually done by around 10:30 in the morning. If I still need something hot and stimulating after that, I….

    Okay, I’m not sure what you thought I was going to say, but the answer is I make myself a cup of hot cocoa.

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