The following is an excerpt of an embarrassingly complete short story I wrote based on the probably already forgotten Trivago Guy meme. It was inspired by the Rolling Stone article, What’s the Deal With the Trivago Guy?, which dangled the possibility of fan fiction based on Trivago’s sad-eyed spokesperson, but then failed to back it up with actual links. I decided I would take it upon myself to produce the world’s first legit Trivago Guy fan fiction. I won’t bore you with the whole 3000+ word short story. The important thing is that I wrote it in the first place.
Don’t even bother reading this if you haven’t first checked out the commercial that started it all (see below).
Anyway, I tried to make this the ideal short story, for the best price.
Trivago Guy Fan Fiction: Trivago Guy Buys A Belt [excerpt]
First? Time to power up. He climbed out of bed and got dressed in his signature outfit: slightly rumpled grey shirt tucked sexily into pitch black Kohl’s brand jeans. The crusty denim smelled of dried keg beer and Febreze and Raid, which meant they were ready to go. His sleeves he rolled up tight and neat and crisp. He had a yardstick set up on the corner of his wall, like what you’d do if you wanted to chart the growth of your firstborn child, and this was his next stop. What he used the yardstick for was to identify where his waistline was, so that he could tug his jeans down two inches below that. Since this was a defining part of his signature look he didn’t want to simply eyeball it. Presently he tugged tugged tugged until the fabric waistline met the pencil mark on the yard stick.
His trademark look was nearly complete, except for one very important detail, and it didn’t even require him to do anything—it merely required him to not do something.
It required him to not wear a belt. Which he promptly didn’t do.
And with that he was all Trivagoed up, just like in the commercial. He went over to his big mirror and did the stance. Arms low and fanned out, knees bent just so, toes pointing in opposite directions, sexy half-slouch, right arm hanging a bit lower than the left. When he noticed his hair didn’t quite look quite as “I just crawled out of a sleeping bag” as he liked, he ran a hand through it and shook it out a bit. Perfect. Ideal.
As he stood there checking himself out his eyes fell again to the trim waistline of his jeans, and all of a sudden everything clicked into place—he knew what last night’s dream had meant for him to do. The answer had been hiding in plain sight all along: a belt! That was the trouble, was it not? Ever since the commercial had aired, thousands and thousands of jerks online kept saying Why didn’t he wear a belt. His beltlessness was a key factor in his failure to reach an ideal level of success as that enjoyed by Jared from Subway or Flo from Progressive, both of whom probably wore belts when they were just starting out. So, heck, why didn’t he just buy a belt and be done with it?
Then the story basically follows his adventures trying to purchase a belt via the precarious Internet connection on his old 2001 Gateway computer. In the end, he learns an important lesson about being who he wants to be, not who the belt-wearing guy the haters want him to be.
Read the next installment of Trivago Guy Fan fiction here!
Readers, what do you think of our friend the Trivago Guy? Has he haunted your late night television viewing yet?