Splinter Taught Them to be Ninja Teams

ninja turtles title sequence

I’ve always loved the original Ninja Turtles theme song, but I’ve always gotten hung up on one line of its lyrics.

So I’ve completed my Month of Real Blogging. Yesterday was the first day I’ve gone post-less in 30 days, and I must say, it felt weird. I’d definitely gotten used to the idea of busting out a new post every day.

The Daily Post prompts did help a lot. I didn’t need them to survive, but they got me out of quite a few scrapes. But even without them, I’d found that within a single week I had already accumulated a stockpile of ideas which could have, if need be, fuel my blogging for the next two months. Not all of them were A+ material, and some of them would have required more work (mainly research and/or photoshop doctoring) than I was willing to fork out, but they were there on my little pad if I were to need them.

An example of one of these ideas? Well, I had considered doing a whole post on a single line of lyrics from the original 1987’s Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon theme song. The line was “Splinter taught them to be ninja teams.” Ninja teams, not team. As if Splinter taught them how to work together in all possible variations of two: Leonardo and Donatello; Leonardo and Raphael; Raphael and Donatello; and so on.

Actually, a ninja turtle “squadron” wouldn’t have to be a variation of 2 and 2. It could also be all possible variants of 3 and 1. Example: Leonardo, Donatello, and Michelangelo are one team; and Raphael is off by himself as a one-man covert operations team. Raphael was kinda the dick, anyway.

What would be the point of all this? Why would Splinter overcomplicate ninja training in this way? That’s easy. When the evil Foot Clan shows up, Splinter would make a quick observation about the enemies’ strengths and weaknesses, and then he could quarterback and appropriate offense. “Turtles, break off into Team Sequence 775-Alpha! Attack!”

Much more efficient this way.

Or, I was wrong all along, and the lyric was actually “Splinter taught them to be (a) ninja team,” with the “a” implied but not sung aloud. This is highly unlikely, because the rhyming word is “machines” not “machine.” It really sounds like there’s an S there.

But still, it is possible. I call it the Armstrong Theory, based on when Neal Armstrong claimed he had really said “That’s one small step for (a) man, one giant leap for mankind.” And he said you couldn’t hear the “a” due to radio static. This was in response to people telling him that his famous quote was, in fact, redundant (“man” and “mankind” are the same thing).     

If the Armstrong Theory applies to the Ninja Turles theme song, then that’s just a copout. The writers of this song weren’t all stressed out standing on an alien world when they wrote it. They were dealing with sketchy off-world 1960’s radio technology. They wrote it in the comfort of their air-conditioned basement. They could have easily come up with something more grammatically correct, with all necessary words sung aloud, and with an appropriate amount of syllables.

A quick example? “Splinter built a fighting ninja team” would have been no more lame than “Splinter taught them to be ninja team.” Or how about “Splinter made them a true ninja team?” Much better, I dare say.

Well, so I guess I ended up writing that Ninja Turtle post after all, and this was it. And, for better or worse, it would have never happened if I hadn’t challenged myself to write a new original post every day.

How about you, Readers: Can you come up with a better, more solid lyric for “Splinter taught them to be (a)  Ninja Team(s)?”




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19 Responses to Splinter Taught Them to be Ninja Teams

  1. How about Splinter taught them to eat pizza or Splinter taught them all to say boo ya ka shah at some point in the not too distant past… This probably was not what you were looking for but after talking to my kids it’s all I got. My daughter has a huge crush on Michaelangelo.

  2. Doobster418 says:

    I’m really glad you decided not to write a whole post on a single line of lyrics from the original 1987 Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon theme song. That would have been a really dumb idea and would have made a lousy post. Please don’t reconsider writing such a post.

  3. youretheworst says:

    I always thought the line was “to be ninja teens”. ‘Cause, you know, teenage mutant ninja turtles?

  4. saw them live at Walt Disney World in Florida, in 1993.

  5. List of X says:

    Will there be a post analyzing a line of the song for every other line of this song?

  6. Ten says:

    Splinter taught them to be ninja teens…..

  7. Turkle says:

    Its definitely “Splinter taught them to be ninja teens”. (He’s a radical rat)

  8. Ben says:

    It’s Ninja Teens.

    • Earl Hatsby says:

      Yes, I’m afraid I’ve come to accept this truth on this issue as well. But I think on some level, for me at least, it’ll always be “ninja teams.” Thanks for commenting!

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