The Amazing Netflix Exercise Plan


“Oh crap, there’s the postman!”

Netflix helps you get more fit. Did you know that? Let me explain…

I pretty much jog two miles every day. Any more than that—three, fours miles—and it becomes too much; I start not wanting to do it anymore. Two miles is no big deal. I really feel that the secret to working out is to develop a routine that doesn’t intimidate you. It’s probably better to work out a little every single day, than to hit the gym and go nuts once or twice a week(and probably strain yourself).

At least that’s the theory I’m sticking to. And I’ve managed to be pretty consistent over the years, so I guess I’m doing something right.

I think the necessary ingredients to a stable mini-workout routine are…

  • the desire to feel healthy—body and mind
  • the desire to be a sexy beast
  • a loaded-ass iPod
  • the desire to drop your Netflix envelope into the mailbox on the corner

It’s that last one that really motivates me. Because I’ll usually jog right before the postman collects the mail from the mailbox on my corner. I can catch him if I’m motivated, and then, since I’m already out and about, I’ll just continue onward to the park and jog my two miles.

Oftentimes I don’t really feel like jogging, for whatever reason. Could be my legs are sore, or it’s a little too hot out, or there have been reports that an axe murderer is loose in my preferred jogging-park. Whatever. I just don’t feel like getting off my ass. But then all of a sudden I remember I have a Netflix dvd that needs to go back, and if I leave for my jog right now I can catch the mailman on my way to the park.

And, before leaving the house, I’ll do a certain amount of sit-ups and weight-lifting just to get beefed up and sexificated. So really, you might say I have an entire, stable workout routine based entirely on my desire to get the next movie in my Netflix queue as soon as humanly possible.

It works!

I’m telling you, this really gets me off my butt. It’s not even that I’m particularly desperate to see the next movie in my Netflix queue or anything. It’s just that I hate having a watched Netflix dvd laying around the house like a bum when there’s a perfectly good mailbox nearby beckoning for me to feed it. In said mailbox the dvd sleeve could be doing some real good. I want that baby to start its journey back to the Netflix processing plant as soon as possible. No hanging around the house taking up space! Earn your keep, Red Dvd Sleeve!

When I have an Netflix dvd sleeve sitting on my computer desk, I find it very difficult to not jog. The idea of walking to the mailbox, dropping in the dvd, and then simply walking back home, seems silly to me. Really, it seems like a waste of time. I’m a writer, and when I break my concentration/routine to go do some “life stuff,” it had better be worth it. I figure you might as well get your money’s worth once you’re out of the house.

Plus, it really feels good to drop a Netflix dvd sleeve into a mailbox. It’s cathartic. You feel like you’ve done all you can do for the poor fella and now he has to become his own man. Plus, you can then rest assured that soon Netflix’ll be sending you your next movie, and there’s nothing more you need to do. You could be lazy as hell from that point on if you really wanted to.  That is, as soon as you get back from jogging.

If you’re a Netflix subscriber, and the idea of jogging automatically trigger your gag reflex, do yourself a favor and try my Netflix workout routine. You get into shape, you feel great, and you get to see way, WAY more movies than you were going to if you had simply remained a chronic couch potato.

Check out my recent satirical post about Netflix’s controversial logo change





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6 Responses to The Amazing Netflix Exercise Plan

  1. It reminds me a bit of my husband’s routine. He can only get to exercise once he is already out and about and so often tacks it on after he walks my daughter to school. The problem? When he decides he’s simply too lazy to even walk my daughter and takes the car instead. But I have to give you mad credit for coming up with the term sexificated?? Not yours? I don’t need to know!

  2. Doobster418 says:

    Okay, so my question is: do you really still get DVDs from Netflix in the mail? I didn’t even know they still did that. I thought Netflix pretty much migrated to streaming video. Hell, I don’t even have a DVD player anymore.

    But listen, if it gives you an excuse to get some exercise, it can’t be all bad, right? Maybe I’ll just get myself a small, red envelope, tape a Netflix logo to it, and pretend that I’m jogging to the nearest mailbox to return the DVD. Oh wait, the nearest mailbox is at the corner of my block. That won’t help at all.

    • Bill Carson says:

      well, you still need netflix dvds if you like old/obscure movies like me, because streaming usually doesn’t cover those. But yeah, now that you mention it, I’m definitely in the Netflix minority—as most people just get the streaming, which, might I add, has no health value whatsoever!

      • Doobster418 says:

        Yes, it’s true that not all Netflix movies are available for streaming, and that really pisses me off. Why aren’t they?

        As to the lack of health benefits of streaming, you’re right. It’s too easy to just sit down with a bowl full of ice cream or a package of Oreos and watch a movie…not that I would ever do anything like that. But you know…some might.

  3. ginjuh says:

    I read a great article in “The Week” this week which stated researchers have determined even running as little as 5 to 10 minutes per day makes an impact in lowering risk for disease. Everyday since then, when the Run Keeper app tells me I have been at it for 5 minutes, rather than feel disgusted, I think, “That already helped. I could turn around right now.”

    • Bill Carson says:

      that’s a great way to look at it! It’s great that so little can still help. I’ll have to remember this the next time I abandon a run due to the probability that I’ll get rained on. If I can at least do five minutes it wasn’t a waste.

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