Cold Pizza: Nature’s Alarm Clock

This morning I woke up to the music of Maroon 5’s “Maps.” This song has, for better or worse, been my alarm radio wake-up-call for the past work week. But today, Adam Levine’s high-pitched “castration singing” got my brain booted up just enough for me to realize today was Saturday.

Promptly I decided to go the hell back to sleep. Screw getting up! I swatted my hand in the general direction of the alarm radio, which, due to how my bed rests against the table, sits almost directly on my own head. Sometimes I swat my own head.

It took a few swats but ultimately I got Adam Levine to stop yelping at me, and my bedroom settled again into quiet. My eyelids grew heavy. I started to sink into the mattress like in those Space Foam commercials. I’ll say I was probably three seconds from falling back into a deep deep morning sleep, but then an image, sharp and crisp, flashed across my field of foggy dream-vision. A slice of pizza. Actually two slices of pizza, wrapped up in aluminum foil.

read about my major beef with Maroon 5’s new song

Just like that, the dream world dropped out from under me and there I was back in my bed, wide awake. No Adam Levine needed this time! I was alert, good to go. It was time to get up.

What happened was I remembered I had two slices of pizza left over from last night’s “Pizza Friday” feeding frenzy. This wasn’t Little Caesar’s either. It was the real deal. It was the same place that had Pizza Obama on the window.

Those two slices, I knew, were going to be my breakfast. I’d have them cold too. I am staunchly against reheating pizza for any reason, and especially not in the morning.

Cold good pizza is one of the top breakfasts I can think of. Something about the tanginess of the cold tomato sauce set against the islands of hardened cheese atop the still-crispy, cool crust. It’s the only breakfast that can lure me out of bed early on a Saturday morning. French toast and eggs and sausage and all that? Well those’re good but, apparently, they’re not good enough to get me out of bed. With them, I’ll get out of bed only after a few extra snooze sessions and hope there’s still some left. Which there almost never is.

“Cold pizza introduces a much-needed crisis situation to my wake-up routine.”

With cold pizza, though? I’m out of the bed so fast that if I look back quick enough I can see my own ghost-image still laying there thinking about cold pizza. The promise of cold pizza in the refrigerator, for me, is the best alarm clock ever. Way better than Adam Levine yelping directly into my ear; I can just hit snooze and be done with it. Cold pizza introduces a much-needed crisis situation to my wake-up routine. Decisive action must be taken right away.

Because I know that if I don’t get to the pizza soon enough, somebody else will see it in the fridge and eat it first. It is such a major bummer to launch yourself out of bed, riot down the stairs, and hook your hand into the refrigerator door handle, only to discover you’d been outplayed, outeaten.

Today wasn’t one of those days. My pizzas were right where they were supposed to be: sort of out of sight on the top shelf of the refrigerator, sagging over the ledge in their sleeping bag of aluminum foil. But they weren’t there for long…

This time I got lucky, folks. But what about you? Are you into cold pizza for breakfast? Do you heat it up, or just eat it up?

Read about my discovery of Pizza Obama (Who Also Plays Soccer)

Or, for more practicallyserious pizza action, check out: Upside Down Hamburgers and Folded Pizza Slices

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8 Responses to Cold Pizza: Nature’s Alarm Clock

  1. Sorry, I can’t eat anything that isn’t breakfasty (eggs, toast, etc.) until about 3 pm. And i actually don’t like bacon or sausage which probably makes me unamerican.

  2. Doobster418 says:

    I have been known to eat leftover pizza for breakfast, but when I do, I usually stick the leftover slices in the toaster oven to make them all nice and…well…toasty. About the only breakfast meal I eat cold is my raisin bran with extra raisins and a sliced banana (with cold milk poured over it all, of course.

    • Bill Carson says:

      Normally I’m a big cheerios guy, myself. I’ve never tried putting a slice of pizza in a toaster, and maybe I’ll try that one of these days. Sounds interesting. Except, doesn’t your toaster get all clogged up in dripping grease?

      The REAL sin, as far as reheating pizza is concerned, is reheating it in the microwave. I’d rather eat the cardboard box the pizza came in…

      • Doobster418 says:

        True. The microwave is definitely not a good way to reheat leftover pizza slices. Oh no!

        And the key to successfully reheating pizza is toaster oven, not simply a toaster. The slices have to be horizontal, not vertical. If in a regular toaster with the slices stuffed in vertically, all of the toppings would probably fall off and sink to the bottom of the toaster, along with, as you noted, the grease. That would likely cause a grease fire, which might, in turn, burn down your home. So if you don’t own a toaster oven don’t try reheating your leftover pizza slices in a toaster. You could, of course, use a regular oven to reheat the pizza, but that wouldn’t be very energy efficient.

      • Bill Carson says:

        too late, I already burned my house down!

        But yeah, now that you mention it, the toaster oven makes a lot more sense than a regular toaster. Also, I’ve actually been to some legitimate pizza places that cook amazing pizzas in big conveyer belt versions of toaster ovens.

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