I got a haircut yesterday and, even though it actually turned out OK, it got me thinking of all the lies men tell their barbers/hair stylists in order to keep things on an even keel. We do it to be polite, but we do it nonetheless. There’s a certain amount of denial and acceptance and forgiveness that goes into getting a bad haircut—at least when you brave a new barbershop or go with a new stylist. Most of us aren’t pushy enough to demand that our barber, after taking a little too much off the top, grab some Elmer’s and glue it back on in a sticky clump. No, instead we roll our eyes inwardly and force a brave smile and say, “Great job!” We figure it was probably our own fault for having hair in the first place.
I’ve compiled a quick list.
8 Lies Men Tell Their Barbers
1. “Thanks so much! Looks great!”
2. “Great job! You’ll be seeing me again.”
3. “Sweet. I won’t be putting on a ratty baseball hat the second I get back to my car!”
4. “Awesomeness. I’m gonna feel great when I give you your tip!”
5. “Wow! Great work! Now I don’t all of a sudden look like I’m balding at the temples!”
6. “Wonderful! Now the back of my head doesn’t look like a galloping horse’s ass!”
7. “Wow. I like how you made me look like Jim Carrey from ‘Dumb and Dumber.'”
8. “Incredible! Hey, listen, can you tell me what your work schedule’s like? Specifically: which days do you have off? Because I want to make sure you’re here the next time I come!”