First, let me tell you a little something about yourselves, bloggers. You’ve got hundreds of WordPress followers, hundreds of Twitter followers, but you only have approximately 20 likes on your blog’s official Facebook page. You’ve had the friggin page for years now and 20’s all you’ve managed to scrape up off the streets. Butcher’s leavings. No one seems to like you in that way, for whatever reason. Maybe they’re lazy. Maybe you’re lazy. Maybe they’re crazy. Maybe you’re crazy. But no matter what the cause is, you’re fed up. You want more attention. You want to be a Facebook Page hero. The good news? I know a way to get 25 quick Facebook likes. Have I got your attention yet?
The Dirty Little Secret No One Knows
Okay, well don’t get too excited. My method will only work for me. If it works at all. To cut to the chase—you’re reading my special method. It’s this lame post right here. That’s the special top secret method: I just write a post meant to kind of lure unsuspecting bloggers to my blog, and then I beg them to click on the Facebook “like” icon to the right of this post. Do you see it? It’s right there by the Cyclops monster icon. I’m freaking pointing right at it. Do you see it? Please go ahead and click on it.
Now’s the Time for Decisive Action
Don’t even bother to look through my blog’s archives or anything to see if you like my material. There’s no time for that. The more time you spend not clicking the Like icon, the greater the chance that you’ll come to your senses and not click it. This is Marketing 101, people. So take my word for it: there’s some funny stuff in my archives. And there’s even more joy to come. I’m just getting started. Click the icon. Please. I just need a few more Facebook likes and then I start getting access to nifty statistics regarding the Facebook page (at least that’s what Facebook promises). I haven’t the slightest idea what I plan to do with said statistics, but I really just want to know what the hell Facebook’s talking about. I mean what kind of statistics could they possibly give me?
Benefits to liking my Facebook page
Take heed, visitors: if you click on the button by the Cyclops, you’ll later pat yourself on the shoulder so hard it’ll freaking sting for a few seconds. There are like fifty benefits to “Liking” me.
Clicking on the Cyclops gets you…
- Access to unique material you won’t find here on this blog.
- “Director’s Cuts” of some of my most unorthodox posts.
- Insightful “Behind the Scenes” commentary on recent posts.
- Access to Archival classics that have been lost in the vaults for some time.
- Membership in an elite community of humor fans.
Have you clicked the button yet? If you didn’t, please do. If you did, please feel free to stop wasting your time reading this. You’re already part of the club, dummy! But seriously, if you still haven’t clicked on the button—but for some reason are still reading this post—then clearly you are not on MENSA’s shortlist. I mean, have I not just laid out fifty legit reasons to click on the button? Do you not understand those reasons? Do you not grasp them? Do I need to draw you pictures of them? Please don’t make me. I haven’t the slightest idea how I’m supposed to draw pictures about those reasons.
Courteous Customer Service
There’s no downside here. You do me a big favor and click on the button by the Cyclops, we both win. I get another coveted Facebook like, and you gain access to some cool exclusive content. But if for any reason you’re not satisfied with your clicking decision, you can “unlike” me at your earliest convenience. It’s just as quick and painless to “unlike” a Facebook page as it is to “like.” So what are you waiting for? Click on the Cyclops today. I’m pointing at the button right now. Just press it.
For more salesman humor, click the link.