Flash Fiction: “How the Sai Island Seahorses Happened”

Flash Fiction: “How the Sai Island Seahorses Happened”

The ninjas knew to neutralize the horses. They crabbed and they crawled. They flipped and they flopped. They were like a sloppy twisty blur of fat, tri-toed ninja shoes bouncing in the dust. Then, out of this spinning jumble of toes and elbows and heads, zapped a dozen katana blades! Now we’re talking a veritable rampaging porcupine of rubbery ninjas, the whole flipping thing picking up speed and dirt and empty 7-Eleven coffee cups as it rolled for the horses. For the horses’ legs.

Then: cut cut cut cut cut cut. The horses whinnied and dropped. The men on the horses? They were katana fodder. All dead. In seconds. The ninja porcupine bounced and rolled on them just like those big blow-up balls in gym class that you crabcrawl after and kick with everything you have and sprain your ass muscle. When it was finally done blood-bouncing, the porcupine dissolved into ninjas again.

You wouldn’t know it by looking at them (they were wearing masks) but each one—especially Friedrick Luu—was smiling like a dope. Yes, their swords were all bloodied and sticky would need a good Shamwowing, but Luu was so happy deep inside. Happy about the dead horsemen. Though maybe a little sad about the lame, limp horses in the warm puddles of blood. The ninjas each had the same thought: Those horses weren’t going to be much good for anything anymore and should probably just be put out of their misery.

Those horses got a bad deal hooking up with those villainous horsemen, thought Luu. He  kneeled down and started doctor-tapping a horse’s neck to identify any important-seeming veins. He found two. He prepared to slice.

And that’s when Martle Xim another of the tumbleninjas, came up with his bright idea: use the horses in the water. Patch them up, then put rice-paddles on their messed up legs and big yellow floaties under their bellies and turn them kinda into mammal boats. Charge ninja children and old maids 5 robles a pop for an awkward-but-memorable ride in the bay. And that’s how the Sai Island Seahorses happened. Without Xi’s idea nobody would have ever thought to do this.

Section 5.6 “The Historical Significance of the Sai Island Seahorses in Relation to Greater Laigon Warrior Culture.”

Over the next fifty years Sai Island would undergo a radical transformation into one of the most popular tourist destinations in Eastern Laigon, thanks in no small part to financial contributions from…

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2 Responses to Flash Fiction: “How the Sai Island Seahorses Happened”

  1. roarke10 says:

    I don’t usually read stories that begin with the word ninja, but your story started with The…
    I was hoping there would be some sea horse katana kabob in this piece somewhere… but ya can’t have everything. Great satire, this story is quicker than a Samurai handshake. Nice pic btw.

    • Fred Fingery says:

      Thanks! Yeah, I also tend to turn away from stories that have ninja in the title. I don’t know what possessed me to write this, actually. I didn’t expect anyone to read past the word “the” to even get to the word “ninjas.” Thanks for powering through your ninja gag-reflex…

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