A throng of practicallyserious.com blog-posts gathered earlier today outside Mayor Clarence Bobblestock’s offices in protest of the blog’s recent publication of a “normal” post. “Religious Similarities Between Ancient Assyria and Ancient Greece”, published last Monday, marks a dramatic departure from practicallyserious.com’s tone and style.
The most outspoken of today’s protesting blog-posts was none other than “5 Unorthodox Tips to Help You Save at the Pump,” who is regarded by many as being the patriarch of this blog’s growing collection of self-aware, characterized blog-posts.
Said the Patriarch: “Assyrian religion? Really? Greek gods? What kind of normal crap is this? Assyrians don’t belong here. Go home!” Patriarch was visibly heated when questioned about how he expected the mayor to respond. “Now you listen here. I’ve been living in this blog for well over a year now, and never once did I see anything like this Assyrian stuff. I mean WHO CARES how the Ancient Assyrians worshiped ANYTHING! How is that kind of information worthy of practicallyserious.com?”
He continued: “I want it OUT! This blog is supposed to be more like a peaceful village for characterized blog-posts. Now we got a post on Assyrian worship? It’s almost like some kind of half-baked scholarly research paper, only it doesn’t even properly reference its sources. ‘References available upon request?’ What is this, a freaking resume?” The Patriarch, who is also sometimes respectfully referred to as ‘the lion of the archives’ due to his brazen political ardor, achieved a certain level of celebrity last year for being this blog’s first post to receive an unsolicited “comment” from a stranger. This event is universally regarded as the birth of modern day practicallyserious.com.
Also present at the protest was newly-engaged blog-post “8 Reasons Women Close Their Eyes When Kissed.” “It’s really a shame,” she told the Associated WordPress. “Those kind of blog-posts don’t belong here. And on a personal level, with me getting married in a few weeks, I don’t even know what to make of it. Is the neighborhood going downhill? Is that it? Do I want to raise my kids on a blog where there’s all these Normals running around offering factual information?” Her fiancée, “8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open When Making Out With Women,” was also present at the scene, but he declined to comment.
Reported by Felchnin Algabaustor
Definitely check out “The Patriarch,” AKA: “5 Unorthodox Tips to Help You Save at the Pump” (He’s a legend)