How to Feed Yourself on 5 Dollars a Week

How to feed yourself on five bucks a week

The thing to do here is ration. Depending on what you’re starting with, I’d go ahead and separate it into five separate units. If you’re starting with five ones, this isn’t going to be hard at all—just take the ones out of your wallet and put them down on the table next to each other in a line—one for Monday, one for Tuesday, one for Wednes…you get the idea. If you’re starting with a five-dollar-bill, then I’d humbly recommend you break out a nice pair of Fiskars scissors and cut the bill into five equal-sized strips. Once you’ve done this, go ahead and lay the strips down on the kitchen table, one for each day of the week, just like I told you to do with the ones.

Now, if you’re starting with five dollars in coins, it’s a little different: yes, you should separate the coins into five different piles; but, unlike what we did with the one-dollar-bills, you should ration the coins based on density, NOT value. For instance, if you have most of the five dollars in pennies, and the rest in quarters, you should NOT treat the quarters as equals to the pennies. Value-wise, quarters are better than pennies, I think we all know this, but they’re not equal food-wise. Twenty-five pennies will fill up your belly much quicker than a quarter would, so keep that in mind.

Once you figured out the whole rationing thing, then it simply becomes a matter of self control to feed yourself on 5 dollars a week. Just eat the Monday money for Monday and the Tuesday money for Tuesday. Don’t eat Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday all on Monday. That wouldn’t be good.

Dollars and/or coins tend to be a little bland by themselves, so I’d recommend adding salt and pepper to taste; or honey, if you don’t mind all that nasty stickiness.

Bon appetite!


If you liked this post, check out my very informative How to Prepare a Chicken for Dinner

This entry was posted in Funny Posts, Unorthodoxy and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to How to Feed Yourself on 5 Dollars a Week

  1. List of X says:

    Pennies are junk food. I recommend a mix of paper currency, because our body needs fiber, and nickels or dimes to supply the iron.

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