My 100th Post (a scary accomplishment)

My 100th Post (a scary accomplishment)

This post marks the 100th post of practicallyserious.com. Actually, it’s more like 104 or 105, but there were some posts I disowned directly after publishing them, consigning them forever to the shadows of the publicly unseen “draft” queue (where they have grown pale and hunched and veiny). So, for the sake of this minor celebration, we’ll consider only officially recognized posts, not “castle freak” posts.

100 posts. Am I proud of this? Well hell, I’m not saying any of these posts are good. I’m just saying they exist, for better or worse. Not like I ever doubted I’d “make it to 100.” I am Rain Man when it comes to writing. Tom Cruise can sit me down in a swivel chair, turn me towards a computer, tap me on the shoulder, and I’ll just start typing typing typing with my head slightly tilted and a dopey look on my face. If I fail to one day reach 1000 posts, it’s because some better, more lucrative avenue of writing has opened up to me.

100 posts. It feels just like yesterday when I published my first post about the connection between the ancient Mayan civilization and Chia Pets. It was a tad lame. Back then I thought this blog was going to be all about sarcastic fake news pulled tactlessly from current headlines. I thought this blog was going to be a worse version of the Onion (which, interestingly enough, I never liked in the first place). Fortunately for me, this blog eventually started to develop a personality of its own. Practicallyserious.com went from being the sarcastic nasally bookworm kid to doesn’t have anything nice to say about anyone, to the kid who sits in the back of the class and draws, in the margins of his math worksheet, robots ripping soldiers’ heads off and flinging these heads at other soldiers, like wet cannon balls.

Three identically creepy pale little girls standing abreast.

Only history will judge the metaphorical similarities between my blog and the sinking of the Titanic. We’ll just have to wait and…huh? Wha? Did you guys read that? What the hell was that about creepy little girls? I swear I saw that. Did YOU see that? Yes? It was right in the hallway between this paragraph and the last paragraph. I swear I saw something about three creepy pale little girls. They were just standing there all quiet for no reason. Damn. Sorry, 82 readers, but I have to go back and take another look. I’ll meet you back here at the end of the replay of this paragraph…

100 posts. It feels just like yesterday when I published my first post about the connection between the ancient Mayan civilization and Chia Pets. It was a tad lame. Back then I thought this blog was going to be all about sarcastic fake news pulled tactlessly from current headlines. I thought this blog was going to be a worse version of the Onion (which, ironically, I never liked in the first place). Fortunately for me, this blog eventually started to develop a personality of its own. Practicallyserious.com went from being the sarcastic nasally bookworm kid to doesn’t have anything nice to say about anyone, to the kid who sits in the back of the class and draws, in the margins of his math worksheet, robots ripping soldiers’ heads off and flinging these heads at other soldiers, like wet cannon balls.

Only history will judge the metaphorical similarities between my blog and the sinking of the Titanic. We’ll just have to wait and…huh? Wha? Did you guys read that? What the hell was that about creepy little girls? I swear I saw that. Did YOU see that? Yes? It was right in the hallway between this paragraph and the last paragraph. I swear I saw something about three creepy pale little girls. They were just standing there all quiet for no reason. Damn. Sorry, 82 readers, but I have to go back and take another look. I’ll meet you back here at the end of the replay of this paragraph…

(Okay. We’re back in real blog-time.) Dude, what the hell! On second glance, there was nothing there! Just an empty space between paragraphs! The first paragraph happened and then there was a space and then there was the second paragraph. No creepy little girls. The hallway was empty! But no no no, I swear they were there. Three of them. Not even just two! Standing side by side by side. And then when I looked back they were…gone!

Yeah. That settles it. This blog has been haunted for quite a while now and I’ve had about enough of this! I called the Paranormal Blogging-Investigators more than a month ago, as part of the Blog-Post Assassin’s payment for making one of my weaker flash fiction stories sleep with the fishes. For the past couple of weeks every time I published a post I’d have to look nervously over my shoulder, not only in fear of the ghosts that haunt these poorly executed paragraphs, but in fear of the Blog-Post Assassin showing up and breaking my knees for failure to deliver the Paranormal Blogging-Investigators I promised him. He won’t care that I already made an appointment with them and they just never showed up. Ghosts. Assassins. I’m getting it from all sides here!

Well I’m fed up. And to think, on my blog’s 100th post-iversary I get a spook attack. How frightfully embarrassing! Well, I ain’t taking this sitting down, hope to tell you. Last time I talked to the Paranormal Blogging-Investigators they told me to expect them anytime   from between 5 to 54 blog posts. What-the-hell kind of service window is that, anyway?!? Do they think (know) I have no life? Well, hell, I’m getting on the phone with those two bumbling idiots and I’m getting them over here pronto.

I’m giving them a piece of my mind. This is unacceptable.

____________

This has been episode 3 of Scary Blog-Posts to Tell in the Dark.

For more bone-chilling entertainment, check out this flash fiction story about plants.

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