Practicallyserious.com has broken ground on a state-of-the-art Paragraph Orphanage meant to cater specifically to “orphan paragraphs.” Construction should be complete within three or four blog-posts, and the first orphan-paragraph has already been enrolled.
What is an orphan-paragraph? “It’s a whole big paragraph/wordblock you cast out of one of your non-blog short stories,” said Derek, chief financier of the project. “But you feel bad for them because now they have no home whatsoever, no hope, even though maybe they were interesting in their own right. They just didn’t quite fit in, is all.”
Usually such paragraphs are exiled to the birth-computer’s recycle bin, never to be seen again by human eyes. This archaic practice has lately been criticized by the UEW (Union of Edited Words) for failing to acknowledge the sweat equity often put into these paragraphs.
Derek said that wayward story-edits, tweaked in such a way as to provide at least some hint of closure, deserve a place where they can get soup and biscuits and a nice warm bed. “The Paragraph Orphanage will give these poor, doomed words a small taste of what it’s like to be ‘published.’” said Derek. “A little community where they can be with other freaks just like them. It’s like the colony the pig-face doctors send the regular-faced people to at the end of the classic Twilight Zone episode.”
Said Derek, “A random, mutant blog like my own is maybe the perfect environment for these exiles to have their one little moment.”
According to Craig Sturgeon, the foreman hired make Derek’s dream a reality, the practicallyserious Paragraph Orphanage will be more than just another “recurring sketch” on the blog. It will, in fact, be featured as its own “page,” so that orphan paragraphs will always have a “safe place to get their words nice and toasty.”