Unorthodox Ways to Get Rich

Everybody wants to get rich, but not a lot of people have the know-how or the nerve to make it happen. Yes, the traditional methods of achieving richness can seem quite daunting, especially to the stupid, but what about nontraditional methods?

I decided to throw together a quick little list of alternative ways to get rich.

Unorthodox Ways to Get Rich

  1. Win the lottery.
  2. Marry into a wealthy family.
  3. Call your friend, Rich Burns, and tell him in a low, sad voice that you’ve reached “the end.” Hang up the phone. Lie down on your kitchen tiles and shoot Heines ketchup all over your neck and the floor. Wait about twenty minutes. When a panting, anxious Rich finally bursts through your kitchen door and sees you on the floor and falls down on his knees screaming, “I’m too late! My God I’m too late,” that’s when you can sit up and say, “Got you!”
  4. Be a hot swirling vat of chocolate in a chocolate factory, and ask the man who works there to dump a little extra sugar into you when his boss isn’t looking. People will eat you later and lick their lips and be like, “Geez, this chocolate brand has gotten sooo rich!”
  5. Learn to sympathize with and appreciate the work of abstract painter Richard Phasten, the fragile artist your sister just married. “Nobody quite understands where he’s coming from, but I totally get Rich.”
  6. Be an assassin. Shoot a ruthless dictator named Richard el Gotto  III. When you get back to your employer he’ll ask you, “So did you get him?” You can grin and nod your head very slowly.

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For more practicallyserious money-making advice, check out this post!

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This entry was posted in Lists, Practically Humorous, Unorthodoxy and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Unorthodox Ways to Get Rich

  1. becca3416 says:

    The name Rich Burns kind of rubs me the wrong way. All I think is rug burn or side burn.

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