Big Move
As many sticks of dynamite as grains of rice in a two-pound sack, helicopters enough to smoke the sky, a dangling rainstorm of chains. All my wealth.
And that was only the tip!
It hung down from the copter-cloud: the massive cone of smoking snowdirt. All day to get it to the flatlands. Once we have the rest we’ll put it all together like flies nudging toy blocks.
The mountain we once joked about: moved.
When she returns from Singapore she will see I’m serious.
________________
This story was written as part of 100-word flash fiction Friday. This week I made sure to stick to the 100-word limit.
If you liked this 100-word flash fiction story, maybe go ahead and check this one out too!
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Dear Derek,
.’…and my wealth.’ Loved that understatement. Quite a move you imagined and then fleshed out in bold strokes.
Nice to meet you, too.
Aloha,
Doug
Thanks for taking a read! I really enjoyed the language in your story — I look forward to seeing what you come up with from here on.
HI Derek,
I liked the images in this writing, but I was a little confused about what was going on. Perhaps that’s fine, and it would be attached later to something unveiling the mystery of it all. Were the dynamite sticks the wealth? What were the helicopters trying to do to the volcano? Who is “she” and why does she care about this mountain/dynamite? it’s an intriguing start to something longer, I hope.
cheers,
Laura
Thanks for taking a look, Laura. I guess I didn’t have enough words to fully answer all of these questions, but maybe I’ll go back and swap out a word here and there to try and help make it a little clearer.
100 words is TOUGH, but I do enjoy the challenge!
i read it twice, and maybe it’s too early and not enough coffee, but i just can’t decipher what’s happening.
Thanks for taking a look either way! You’re not the first to say this, so maybe I’ll fiddle with it just a little bit more to help try and clear things up.
happens to me all the time when i know in my head what i see, and that fills in blanks for me but not for readers.
Love it! I don’t know if you’ve changed anything since others commented, but he’s literally moving mountains for a woman he loves. Disastrous & obsessive, but poetic. The things we can do with wealth! Great read!
A cloud of helicopters moving a mountain. That’s something I’ll like to see.
I had some difficulty following the story the first time, then I read it again.
I suppose the message can only be gotten from the last line: “When she returns from Singapore she will see I love her.”
Moving mountains to show how much he loves her. That’s deep.
My story: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/
Thanks, glad you got it! I’ve been changing around some of the words, then changing them back. But I think I’m ready to move on!
You have some really fantastic metaphors in this piece, nicely done, sir.
Thanks a lot Craig!
Moving mountains for love. Well done.
http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/
Thank you, sir.