I Will Now Attempt a “Normal” Post

Okay. Okay. It’s been a long time since I attempted a “normal” post. A regular old, humor-infused opinion piece. An editorial. Something that isn’t just a wacky list, or a flash of serious/abstract/insane prose. There was a brief time here in practicallyserious.com when I used to try and be a normal blogger with normal blogger opinions on things I normally don’t care about either way. I once wrote a fine piece about how going out to a pizza parlor all by yourself is very much like being George Clooney going out on a date. I think it was about that. See for yourself, I don’t know or care.

That was the old me.

That was the me of about one month ago. I was a younger blogger then, and my blogging-midichlorians have nudged me along in a different direction. Nowadays I look at many of those early posts like they’re the dead, half-formed mutant Ripley’s in the big tubes in the lab in Alien Resurrection, the first attempts at cloning an alien/Ripley hybrid.

That movie sucked.

So where am I now? What is the future of this blog? Is practicallyserious.com to continue along in its current direction, which is to say: the direction of a mildly upsetting, bi-polar extravaganza of wacky-lists and quick, desperate attempts at semi-serious prose?

Yes.

But before I officially jump off that bridge, I figure maybe I’ll give “normal” blogging one more shot. See how it feels wearing those old clothes. See how fat I got.

Okay, hmm. What would a normal person blog about on a normal blog?

Damn, I haven’t the faintest idea. President Obama? Hybrid cars? The Michael Imperioli commercials for “1800” tequila? What would a normal guy blog about?

Okay, there’s an iPod sitting here on my desk right in front of me, and so maybe I’ll just blog about how annoying it is to me how people get iPods and consider the act of “filling it up” some kind of accomplishment. As if they really need easy access to all that music. As if they’re not going to just listen to maybe 12% of what’s on their 80-gig iPod and just keep skipping over all the rest when they have it on shuffle mode. All the rest is just filler tracks, digital gluttony. Really, iPod storage abusers are really just a new kind of “hoarder” like* they have on that sad television program.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. What the hell was that? Did you guys just read that? I saw something. It was maybe a word or two after I wrote the word “hoarder.”

Oh crap. I hope it wasn’t what I thought it was.

The blog ghost.

I mean, what the hell else could it have been? I never use asterisks and I don’t do typos either.

Could it be that that pesky disembodied spirit of somebody’s prematurely-abandoned blog never left practicallyserious.com? My blog is still haunted, even though I had those two paranormal blogging investigators, Bob Wickipy and Lawrence Tolchin, come by and try and make peace with it or free it or whatever? Those guys said they took care of it.

Oh great, now I’m all shaking and nervous and I can’t continue with my nice normal blog about iPods. I’m gonna place a call for the paranormal blogging investigators. Have them come back and take a look.

I think their regular response time is like within six or seven posts. I guess that’s not so bad, considering. Lot of haunted blogs out there after all. I’ll just have to try and keep the blog going until they get here.

But, if you don’t mind, please leave me some comments. I don’t want to be alone tonight.

___________________

If you have no idea what just happened, please make sure to read this post.

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This entry was posted in Editorial, Practically Humorous, Unorthodoxy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to I Will Now Attempt a “Normal” Post

  1. becca3416 says:

    I am glad I knew what the asterisk was immediately. I’ll send you over some garlic, but that is the best I can do.

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