Ultimate Would You Rather: Kevin Smith’s Underwear vs. One-Eyed Jaguar

Today marks the return of UWYR! But, instead of coming up with a brand new Would-You-Rather question to challenge my readers’ intellect and imagination, I kind of think it’s necessary to do my very first UWYR Revision. Specifically, I’m targeting what turned out to be a rather lopsided UWYR 2. Where UWYR 1 enjoyed perfect balance (the numbers are currently holding at 50/50), UWYR 2 clearly favored one of the two choices by a significant margin.

This I cannot allow.

It seems my readers would rather risk their lives than endure a Los Angeles/New York plane flight as Kevin Smith’s tighty whities.

I simply don’t believe you, Readers. I refuse to believe that you’d risk death in order to keep out of Kevin Smith’s pants. You mean to tell me that, say,  some rich, sadistic Alfred Hitchcock villain captured you and forced you to choose between the jaguar and the Kevin Smith Underwear, you’d choose the option that might possibly get you killed (just to clarify, I’m talking about the jaguar, not Kevin Smith’s underwear)? Oh, come on! I don’t believe that you, the reader, ever took this question seriously. You didn’t give it the proper respect. At least most of you, anyway. Most of you just figured you’d “wing it” with the terminally ill jaguar. Sounds safe enough, right?

Don’t take anything for granted here at UWYR.

I mean, think about it. What if the tree branch snaps and you fall to the ground and break your legs? Kinda changes the chemistry of the confrontation doesn’t it. I mean, I’d already told you this jaguar, though dying, is experiencing one final flourish of big-cat berserker rage. I don’t like your odds against said jaguar in the event that one of your legs breaks from a fall. And, use your imagination! What if there’s a monkey in the tree before you even get there? I never said anything about a monkey either way, so one could very well be there. Do you think a pre-existing tree-tenant would help you or hurt you? Who knows!

Why take the risk?

I want more of you to choose Kevin Smith’s Underwear, and to help you make this difficult decision I will slightly modify UWYR 2. Just enough to (maybe) get you to make the “right” decision.

 UWYR 2.1

Would you rather be Kevin Smith’s underwear for an entire New York/Los Angeles plane flight?

supplemental information: Same deal as last time. He’s wearing tighty whities and God knows how long he’s had them on (or what activities he was doing with them on). The plane flight is nonstop from Los Angeles to New York.


Would you rather be chased up a tree by an otherwise healthy one-eyed male jaguar that hasn’t eaten for days and believes it is going to die unless it eats VERY soon?

supplemental information: You must survive this scenario for three full hours. Then the one-eyed jaguar gets shot with a tranquillizer dart and you’re good to go. There is an insane Orangutan in the tree before you even get there. I have NO IDEA how he’s going to react to you being in his tree.

Choose with your imagination…

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2 Responses to Ultimate Would You Rather: Kevin Smith’s Underwear vs. One-Eyed Jaguar

  1. thecorngoblin says:

    My cowardice will ways win out over my distaste for Kevin smith. Silent bob’s underwear is an entirely different question…

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