3 Unorthodox Ways to Get Into a Can of Tuna Without A Can-Opener

Let’s face it. Unless you got a can-opener nearby, a can of Tuna loses much of its nutritional value. It doesn’t matter for one second how much protein and omega 3’s are safely tucked away inside the can if you can’t get inside! It’s kinda like what they say about how any color of paint is actually black when it’s still inside the can, because there’s no light. Well in this case the tuna fish would be very black indeed. It might as well be chewing tobacco in there. Or play dough. Or spam. Without a can opener a can of tuna is basically worthless! It’s a hockey puck!

So what happens if you need to get inside a can of tuna, for whatever reason, and you find yourself without a can opener? Is there another way inside? Is it possible?

Of course! Anything is possible here at practicallyserious.com. But you must shed everything you thought you knew about getting into a can of tuna. You must open your mind.

3 Unorthodox Ways to Get Into a Can of Tuna Without a Can-Opener

  1. Be a Healthy White Albacore Tuna. If you are a healthy white albacore tuna, or, really, any popular breed of tuna, you can suicidally fling yourself into the inevitable fishing nets that suddenly appear in your domain. Once you are successfully “caught” by the fishermen you only need to do one thing: survive long enough to get killed, processed, and canned with some water or, if you’re lucky, olive oil. Doesn’t matter. When the smoke settles you will be inside a can of tuna and you never once needed a can opener.
  2. Start Thinking Your Can of Tuna is “Cool.” If you start hanging out with your can of tuna and studying its features, learn to appreciate how the lamplight throws a charming glint on the can’s metal face. Start to appreciate the designs and the fonts of its label. You can even light some incense and then use the can of tuna as a sort of bongo drum. Have fun with it. Look forward to coming back to it and spending more time with it every time you leave the room to use the bathroom. If you do all of this it won’t be long before you can tell your friends, “Hey, so, you know that can of tuna I been hangin with? It’s actually kinda cool. It’s pretty chill. I’m into it.”
  3. Have Your Can of Tuna Start a Subversive Anarchist Organization. If you have your can of tuna found a subversive anarchist organistion, and then quickly pledge your undying loyalty, then when a friend asks you, “Hey man, I really agree with what that can of tuna has been talking about. I wonder how I join up with it,” you can proudly respond, in a hushed tone, “Hey, man, don’t worry ’bout nothing. I’ll hook you up with the can of tuna. I’m on the inside.”

(If for some reason you enjoyed this post and crave more “unorthodox” information, check out 5 Unorthodox Ways to Help You Save At the Pump. One click and you’re saving tons of money!)


This entry was posted in Funny Posts, Lists, Unorthodoxy and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to 3 Unorthodox Ways to Get Into a Can of Tuna Without A Can-Opener

  1. Zen and the art of tuna consumption.
    Become one with the tuna, and the tuna will become one with you.
    Schroedinger’s tuna fish… is it tasty or isn’t it?…
    Free the tuna and the dolphin will follow.

  2. Ginger says:

    Very clever, the title alone made me laugh. The list had me crying!

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