UWYR: Ultimate Would-You-Rather 1

Ultimate Would-You-Rather is a little different than all the poser “would-you-rather” games you may have played with friends over a couple of Stellas. UWYR learns from its mistakes and grows stronger each time. If too many people answer one way the UWYR mainframe computer will automatically reconfigure and provide for a more “balanced” experience. The idea is to create, through painstaking revision, the greatest would-you-rather questions ever devised by man.

The following questions are not to be taken lightly. For full enjoyment please take the time to fully imagine yourself in the presented scenarios and then answer honestly.

And now, the premiere of UWYR, sponsored by practicallyserious.com.


Would you rather get chased up a tree by two male jaguars?

Supplemental Information: I’m not saying they’re going to get you. Are you a good tree-climber? If so, maybe you can climb up so high the jaguars can’t even get near you. I have my doubts that you can climb higher than two hungry male jaguars but hey, only you know how honed your climbing skills are. And even if you’re only a mediocre climber you can always sort of kick their faces to keep them out of the tree. Kick ’em in the face, right back down to the ground and hope they don’t bite your foot off while you do so. If you are successful in thwarting their lunch-efforts for long enough maybe they’ll just give up and walk away. Just remember that jaguars do stuff like this all the time and I’m guessing they got some tricks worked out. Like waiting until you sleep. Like pretending to give up and walk away and instead hiding in the cover of the bushes until you descend. You must ask yourself  “Am I prepared for their mind games? Am I mentally tough? Will I crack?”


Would you rather walk up to a large, heretofore human-trusting gorilla in the jungle, and kick it in the balls?

Supplemental Information: I’m not saying he’ll go berserk and beat you to a pulp, but he might. He might be too busy rolling over on the grass clutching at his groin to retaliate. But maybe big tough gorilla testicles aren’t as sensitive to steel-toed boots as sadly shriveled human testicles are. Or maybe they’re more sensitive and the gorilla will be out of commission for days! Or, maybe, maybe big tough gorilla testicles are neither super-sensitive or under-sensitive. Maybe big tough gorilla testicles are just right, meaning: they are sensitive enough for the gorilla to know that you’ve just given him “fightin’ words,” but not so sensitive as to prevent him from immediately tearing your head off and flinging it into the bushes.

Choose wisely.

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