practicallyserious

[I decided to be thorough and offer a companion piece to my recent "5 Boyfriend 'Faults' That Are Really Not So Bad After All," which itself was inspired by this article from Yahoo.com.]

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Guys, guys, guys! You really need to learn how to look at the bright side when your girlfriend chronically fails to meet your expectations. It all comes down to how you perceive and react to those silly things she does. If you foster the right mentality it is very possible your circus-like relationship can benefit from your girlfriend’s/wife’s formerly upsetting shenanigans.

Here are 5 Examples…

1. She refuses to shave one of her legs. Oh c’mon! What year is this anyway? Are we going to really demand of our woman that she shaves both of her legs every day? Isn’t it enough that she shave one? I say just let her be her. The bonus for you, of course, is that when she sleeps on her back you get to decide who you want to sleep next to that night: depending on which side of her body you choose, you can sleep beside your “girlfriend” or you can sleep beside Puck from “A Midsummer Night’s Dream.”

2. She claims that spirits visit her in the dead of the night. You know what I say? All the better! If the spirits are spending all their time visiting with her, then she’ll have to be the one to entertain them with crackers and cheese all night while you can just be antisocial and read or practice guitar in the garage or something.

3. She yells at you if you try on her dresses. This is a rough one but hey, maybe a little censorship wouldn’t kill you. Besides, if you keep trying on her clothes you’ll probably stretch them out and then when she tries to wear them she won’t look as sexy and cool because the dresses will be all baggy on her. If she no longer looks cool in the dresses, then you will probably lose your desire to “be beautiful like her” in the first place and you’ll probably stop wanting to dress up in her clothes at all. You lose out big time.

4. There’s a chance that when she cuckolds you (with your own friends) it might make her pregnant. Yes, but so what? Does that mean you should quit before even giving it a chance? I think not. Bright side is this can sort of bring you and your friends even closer together because you can gather them all together at the kitchen table after Russian Roulette Thursday, and you can sort of give them a refresher course about safe sex options. Since they never experienced you in “teacher” mode before they might come to respect you more than ever.

5. She shows up at 60% opacity in mirrors. Don’t freak out, bro. I don’t quite know what this implies, but that doesn’t mean we can’t rise above it. If your girlfriend appears 40% transparent in mirrors, that means she’ll probably take 40% less time to get ready before you take her to the movies, because there’ll be that much less for her to fuss over.