Posts tagged ‘entertainment’

June 2, 2012

I Will Now Achieve Apotheosis

by Fred Fingery

I will now achieve apotheosis.

My seriousness streak continues like a runaway freight train howling off the tracks, through a village of straw huts and screaming women; laundry fluttering in the air and catching like kites in my toupee-raising windripple; women’s skirts snapping upwards in a naughty rush of warm air. I am close now. I can smell history.

But I grow impatient. I tire of all the hard work. I will attempt to force apotheosis early. Check it out. Watch closely.

In moments I will become a Golden God of seriousness.

I will do it with a deadly serious poem about unrequited love.

Nothing can stop me.

And so let it begin…

Just one thing first.

The Beach Boys.

Do you know they have a new album called “That’s Why God Made the Radio” coming out, with Brian Wilson on board? Mike Love, Al Jardine, Bruce Johnson too?

Do you realize how major this is?

Do you understand that The Beach Boys, during their brief creative climax, were very much equal to the Beatles? There was the Beach Boys and the Beatles and then everyone else. Do you realize that this new album coming out on Tuesday is, in a strange way, the closest we can come to a new Beatles album? You don’t, do you.

I don’t even want to continue talking until I hit up this link for the 18th time. It’s a new song from their new studio album.

I can’t stop listening to it.

I won’t stop listening to it.

I shouldn’t stop listening to it.

How is this song so good? And how is this song, the album’s title track, so good too (listen to it a couple times before you judge)? And how come the samples on iTunes for all the rest of the songs on the album sound so promising? Brian Wilson, my antisocial/nervous-breakdown role model, somehow wrote an album chock-full of impossibly-fresh, refreshingly inspired material. It’s like the 1960′s Beach Boys had been abducted by the baby midget-aliens and their unlikely animatronic spider-mother from the end of “Close Encounters of the Third Kind,” and have now finally been returned to us in exchange for Richard Dreyfus. We’re talking 70-year-old men sounding as inspired and bright as ever! What the hell is going on here? Yes, I’m sure in putting this album together Brian got plenty of help on the songwriting/producing end from his very-talented touring band, but that only makes me love and respect Brian Wilson even more. Any great producer of anything knows: it’s the final product that counts.

For the past few weeks I have put my life on hold (AKA: I proceeded with my regular routine) in anticipation of this new album, which will drop this coming Tuesday. I have been bumping into walls at work thinking about it. I have been singing deep Beach Boy cuts LOUDLY in my car at intersections in downtown Los Angeles, teardrop-tattoo gangsters giving me worried looks from their lowriders as they thumpingly pull up alongside me.

I have no intention to not listen to this album.

Damn I love a good comeback story. It takes a certain kind of person to fully appreciate the Beach Boys, to be able to get past their “Surfin’ Safari” image. To get past the fact that at their impressionable inception they’d made the quick, conscious decision to roll with a randomly-chosen theme (the idea of singing “surfer songs” had taken root after a very innocent suggestion by Dennis Wilson, the only original Beach Boy ever to surf). To realize that if the Beatles had decided early on to call themselves the Library Boys, and to have predominately complemented all of their beloved melodies with lyrics concerning the Dewey decibel system and “late fees”, the world today might not be so uniform in cherishing the Lennon/McCartney back catalog.

At least the world agrees that Pet Sounds is a masterpiece, but that’s where the respect seems to begin and end.

Yes, there’s the recently-assembled “Smile” too, but because it was never released back when it was supposed to be released, back in the sixties, one can’t really expect it to have any real-estate in the American public’s overall consciousness of the Beach Boys.

But there is so much more greatness in their catalog!

In fact there’s another “masterpiece” that I never hear anyone talking about. Not even people who claim to know and love the Beach Boys.

A little forgotten gem called “Today” (check out that link for the entire album on youtube. If you find yourself with time to kill go ahead and listen to the whole thing all the way through — it’s a pretty quick listen). This album was Brian Wilson building up the nerve to conquer the world. In some ways I like this album even more than Pet Sounds because it perfectly outlines the creative-conflict Brian Wilson the minute he decided to venture beyond “fun, surf songs.” This is the album where he breaks through and lets his creativity explore the woods beyond the backyard. On this album you actually experience the moment he becomes a genius, and it’s a moment of warm triumph. It happens directly in the middle of the album. In vinyl form, it happens the moment you flip the record over to side 2. It happens when “Please Let Me Wonder” taps you on the back of the shoulder and you turn around and see the rest of the album standing there. Last thing you heard was “Dance, Dance, Dance” and then all of a sudden you feel weak-kneed and have to steady yourself. This song hits you hard. Basically, the album abruptly changes from particularly-good surfin-type songs (I challenge you to listen to “Don’t Hurt My Little Sister” and NOT listen to it again directly afterwards) to lush, pain-drenched ballads about real, real issues, like being annoyingly too young to marry anyone.

In typing this I just caught my second wind of infatuation with that particular song. It’s called “I’m So Young.”

Side B. Nobody was ready for it except Brian himself. The existence of Side B set the stage for one of my favorite moments in the history of rock and roll. The moment when a nervous Mike Love, supported by ill-at-ease record executes, took Brian into a room and asked him in a deadly serious, grave tone: “Brian, we need to know: what are your musical intentions?” They were afraid. They had wanted Side B to be a lot more like Side A. They pressured Brian to bottle up his greatness. In a cold sweat they forced him to postpone his apotheosis for one more album. Pet Sounds was coming, but first there was to be “Summer Days (and Summer Nights!!),” where we find a Brian barely managing to restrain his creativity in such a way as to please the then-influencers of his career.

This album is not the clean cut shock-masterpiece of “Today,” but it’s also very, very good and should be talked about when people start claiming they respect the Beach Boys. This one doesn’t have the heart-melting sneak attack of its predecessor—Brian no longer had the element of surprise. Instead, the whole thing is peppered, in a general way, with elements of Brian’s maturing genius. A couple of true gems near the end. “You’re So Good to Me” being one.

Really, I could go on all day about the Beach Boys. I can do a big complex list ranking all of their albums leading up to their last gasp of post-Smile goodness “Sunflower.” I’d stop there, because everything after that was just exploitation of past accomplishments, and by then Brian was thoroughly nervous-breakdowning. Then there was “Kokomo” in the 80’s, an unexpected, late-inning hit, without Brian’s involvement, and after that it seemed that the Beach Boys were out of surprises and just old.

But then, in the late nineties, Brian came out his reclusion, a little worse for the wear, but committed to fighting his way back into game. Though his voice had grown a bit clumsy and hoarse (these days he sings somewhat slobberishly out of the side of his mouth, almost as if he’d suffered some kind of stroke during his time in isolation, and, sadly, that’s sort of how he sounds some of the time, too—yet this doesn’t stop me from lovingly recreating this effect when I “stroke” sing his songs at the top of my dog-yelping lungs in the privacy of my softtop jeep) he demonstrated over a series of solo albums that he still had a little something left in the creative reservoir. He’d been building up a little momentum with each one, taking him through to his own fully-finished version of Smile. He’d been fighting back slowly but surely.

Still, it seemed safe to say that Brian’s most effective years were long behind him.

But now the Beach Boys are celebrating their 50th anniversary and they seem to have mutually decided that they’re all too old to keep on suing each other when they could make far more money packaging themselves as a newly reformed touring band. They convinced Brian to join them for the first time in more than 20 years. They made an album and it sounds much, much better than anyone could have reasonably expected such an album made under such circumstances to sound.

With the still-mostly-intact voices of Mike Love, Al Jardine, and Bruce Johnson to help take some of the pressure off his own weakened singing ability, it seems that with “That’s Why God Made the Radio” Brian was able to focus more on the writing and the producing. When Brian does sing lead on this album, from what I can tell, it’s done in short bursts, and quickly bolstered by the energizing harmonies of the reach of the Beach Boys. The result: a kind of litmus test of Brian’s present-day songwriting ability. His solo albums featured a little too much of Brian’s battle-damaged voice to be taken too seriously, but here’s something that very much demands to be taken yahoo-seriously. These songs sound awesome. They sound like classic Beach Boys goodness.

Turns out maybe “Kokomo” isn’t the last trick they had up their sleeve.

I love a comeback story.

As for my own apotheosis…yeah, I really don’t feel like writing a deadly serious poem anymore. Not after all this Brian talk. I’m just going to listen to this song two more times and then publish this post.

May 19, 2012

3 Smart Ways to Save Gas

by Fred Fingery

3 Smart Ways to Save Gas

With gas prices now hanging out above $4/gallon here in Los Angeles, everybody wants to save gas however they can. I’ve decided to put together a new set of gas-saving tips for my loyal readers. Hope this helps.

  1. Put your gasoline in a cereal bowl and then get your bible and start preaching to it for as long as it takes for the gas to acknowledge God.
  2. If you go to a haughty dinner party with your gas, and at some point in the night you notice that a pretentious college professor has cornered the gas and won’t stop talking to it about politics, subtly move over to where they are and clear your throat a few times until your gas sees you and eagerly uses you as an excuse to escape the chatty professor.
  3. If your gas falls down into a well and is unable to climb back out, hire a team of miners to dig an adjacent hole exactly as deep as the well. Then have them dig across with pickaxes until they get to the well. Then have them transfer the gas into the other hole and take it back up to the surface on their makeshift elevator.

These are all ways to save gas.

_____________________

For more practicallyserious tips to help you save at the pump, check out this post.

May 8, 2012

The Best Times to Publish Your Post

by Fred Fingery

Every true blogfreak knows: timing is everything. You can write the coolest post in the world, the cleverest 307 words of that day’s portion of the blogosphere, but if you publish this masterpiece at a “bad” time then what the hell’s the use?

Publish too early in the day and it could be buried alive under a pile of other peoples’ daily musings before anybody in your time zone ever knew it was there in the first place. Publish too late and nobody cares anymore; they’re all combing through the porn sites getting ready to call it a night. Publish it right smack in the middle of the day and most people are too busy pretending to be busy at work to give your precious “masterpost” their full, undivided attention, and so you get low/no “comments” and “likes.”

So what’s a blogger to do? When’s a good time to publish a post?

The Best Times to Publish Your Post

  1. After the post is written.
  2. When your computer is connected to the internet.
  3. When you are having an orgasm.
  4. When the house smells like pizza.
  5. Before a nuclear “goldeneye” device is detonated in the atmosphere just above your city, creating an electromagnetic pulse that fries anything with an electric circuit (including your computer’s motherboard).
  6. When you are a 16-year-old girl in love for the first time.

These are all great times to publish your post.

May 4, 2012

Ten Things You Don’t Hear at Your College Graduation Ceremony

by Fred Fingery

You’re graduating near the top of your class in a prestigious Ivy League university. You’re wearing a spare space-shuttle heat-shield tile on your head and there’s a silky golden tassel hanging over your red, hungover eyes as you stare in wonder at the world-wise speaker up there behind the podium. He has your full attention and he can talk about whatever he wants. The sky’s the limit. He can tell you silly, poignant stories about when he, himself, graduated from university. He can share some clever anecdote about a long time ago when he’d met a young Donald Trump. He can share some useful pointers about how to stand out and to rise quickly in the cut-throat business world. He can be as motivational as Tony Robbins.

The sky’s the limit. A commencement address can go just about anywhere, cover nearly any subject, risque or cliche,  and that’s what makes it unique, memorable, and sometimes, exceptional.

With that being said, there are some things you’ll never hear at a graduation ceremony…

Ten Things You Don’t Hear at Your College Graduation Ceremony

  1. “Hello students, this is your Dean speaking. Just wanted to be the first to say,  ‘Welcome to your freshman year at college.’”
  2. The sound of a Tyrannosaurus Rex fighting a Spinosaurus.
  3. Other peoples’ thoughts.
  4. A musical performance by all four of the Beatles.
  5. Professor Steven Hawking singing “My Heart Will Go On,” and nailing it.
  6. “Hello students, this is your Dean speaking. At the end of the ceremony, instead of throwing your hats in the air, please throw your pants.”
  7. “Hello Deans, this is your student speaking. Why are there so many of you sitting there in the audience and only one of me up here on stage? What kind of dopey college is this anyway?”
  8. The sound of one hand clapping.
  9. A convincing argument for the existence of a family of plesiosaurs in Loch Ness.
  10. The sound of one foot smelling.
April 27, 2012

Ultimate Would You Rather: Kevin Smith’s Underwear vs. One-Eyed Jaguar

by Fred Fingery

Today marks the return of UWYR! But, instead of coming up with a brand new Would-You-Rather question to challenge my readers’ intellect and imagination, I kind of think it’s necessary to do my very first UWYR Revision. Specifically, I’m targeting what turned out to be a rather lopsided UWYR 2. Where UWYR 1 enjoyed perfect balance (the numbers are currently holding at 50/50), UWYR 2 clearly favored one of the two choices by a significant margin.

This I cannot allow.

It seems my readers would rather risk their lives than endure a Los Angeles/New York plane flight as Kevin Smith’s tighty whities.

I simply don’t believe you, Readers. I refuse to believe that you’d risk death in order to keep out of Kevin Smith’s pants. You mean to tell me that, say,  some rich, sadistic Alfred Hitchcock villain captured you and forced you to choose between the jaguar and the Kevin Smith Underwear, you’d choose the option that might possibly get you killed (just to clarify, I’m talking about the jaguar, not Kevin Smith’s underwear)? Oh, come on! I don’t believe that you, the reader, ever took this question seriously. You didn’t give it the proper respect. At least most of you, anyway. Most of you just figured you’d “wing it” with the terminally ill jaguar. Sounds safe enough, right?

Don’t take anything for granted here at UWYR.

I mean, think about it. What if the tree branch snaps and you fall to the ground and break your legs? Kinda changes the chemistry of the confrontation doesn’t it. I mean, I’d already told you this jaguar, though dying, is experiencing one final flourish of big-cat berserker rage. I don’t like your odds against said jaguar in the event that one of your legs breaks from a fall. And, use your imagination! What if there’s a monkey in the tree before you even get there? I never said anything about a monkey either way, so one could very well be there. Do you think a pre-existing tree-tenant would help you or hurt you? Who knows!

Why take the risk?

I want more of you to choose Kevin Smith’s Underwear, and to help you make this difficult decision I will slightly modify UWYR 2. Just enough to (maybe) get you to make the “right” decision.

 UWYR 2.1

Would you rather be Kevin Smith’s underwear for an entire New York/Los Angeles plane flight?

supplemental information: Same deal as last time. He’s wearing tighty whities and God knows how long he’s had them on (or what activities he was doing with them on). The plane flight is nonstop from Los Angeles to New York.

or…

Would you rather be chased up a tree by an otherwise healthy one-eyed male jaguar that hasn’t eaten for days and believes it is going to die unless it eats VERY soon?

supplemental information: You must survive this scenario for three full hours. Then the one-eyed jaguar gets shot with a tranquillizer dart and you’re good to go. There is an insane Orangutan in the tree before you even get there. I have NO IDEA how he’s going to react to you being in his tree.

Choose with your imagination…

April 25, 2012

Flash Fiction: “Broke”

by Fred Fingery

Broke

Brent carried the fixed-up television under his arm and often glanced up at grey sky. A frisky wind whipped through his short red hair. He could already feel moisture on his skin and now he could see damp fingerprint smudges under where he clutched the television. He ran because if he botched this up he’d pay for it himself. Special promotion didn’t say anything about delivery vans running out of gas.

Now it was a race against the clouds. A red pickup truck came by and he flagged it down. When he told the toothless driver his dilemma he agreed to help but there wasn’t enough room for Brent to come too. Brent thought he’d no choice, so he loaded the television and watched the truck speed off.

Minutes later, about when the sun popped out, he realized he hadn’t even begun to tell the driver where to go.

April 24, 2012

Flash Fiction: “Outside Bets”

by Fred Fingery

Outside Bets

As the five children standing around the homemade roulette table placed sweet treats down on the construction paper betting layout, Sam smiled to himself because he figured he’d be getting most of that candy. One of his friends had bet on evens, the rest took way long shots.

A crow awwked and Sam looked up. He binoculared his hands to keep the sun from his eyes. That bird again, thought Sam. Thing follows my wheel around the neighborhood.

Now he spun the wobbly hubcap and dropped the red gumball and it skipped and clicked while Sam’s buddies watched with greedy hands. Sam snuck a look at them and thought the house always wins.

The wheel slowed and the gumball tired. Sam licked his lips. But just as the gumball took its last hop, the crow swooped down in a wild flutter and snatched it up just like it did last weekend.

Thanks again to Susie for inspiring me to try my hand at this stuff (150-word flash fiction). It’s pretty hard, actually, but fun.

April 23, 2012

8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open When Making Out With Women

by Fred Fingery

Maybe we’re too proud to let our guard down. We’re afraid to admit that, despite our mysterious vow never to love again, we’re actually having a nice time. Or maybe we simply can’t believe we got a girl to let us kiss her and are desperate to capture as complete a visual record of the event as possible.

Many gentlemen are called out by their lady-friend for keeping their eyes wide open during a passionate and/or sloppy French kiss. The girl might say something unnecessarily challenging and probing, like, “It’s like you’re looking for something when you kiss me. But what are you looking for?” or “It’s like you’re afraid when you kiss me. But what are you afraid of?” Or, she may say something a little more down to earth, like, “Hey, why the hell do you keep your eyes open like a crazy when you kiss me?”

A lady has every right to be a little put off but such behavior on the part of her make-out partner, but the truth is that there are exactly 8 legitimate reasons a man might keep his eyes open during this intimate moment.

8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open When Making Out With Women

  1. They are unchecked homophobes and have an irrational fear that the woman might spontaneously transform into a man at some point in the middle of the make-out session. If such a thing were to happen, they’d prefer to know about it as soon as possible.
  2. There is a huge, pulsing pimple located on the girl’s upper cheek and the man needs to be ready to abort the make-out session at a moment’s notice should the thing suddenly detonate.
  3. The only reason the man is able to make out with the girl in the first place is through a telepathic/physic link through which he influences her mind, and if he closes his eyes, even for a moment, he’ll break the connection.
  4. The man is putting so much mental energy into commanding his flickering tongue-movement he doesn’t have enough brain power left to command his eyelids.
  5. He has a bad case of conjunctivitis (pink eye) and can’t afford treatment. His eyes are terribly crusted over and he hasn’t been able to close them for three days.
  6. He is a dedicated man of science and thinks of the woman as no more than another specimen in his latest field study regarding physiological changes during heightened states of human female arousal.
  7. He has a sneaking suspicion that the girl he’s been dating is actually an unknown cousin/sister of his, and is now collecting close-range evidence before he announces his verdict to his mother.
  8. The girl’s father is a notorious Sicilian mobster who told him before the date in question, “I’m trusting you to take care of my beautiful daughter. Treat her well. Treat her like a lady. But most important of all, keep my daughter safe. If I find out you ever took your eyes off her, even for a second, I’ll cut you up into little pieces and put you on a pizza, capisce?”

__________________

For the companion piece to this post, check out 8 Reasons Women Close Their Eyes When Kissed.

And, for even more practicallyserious relationship humor, check out this post!

April 21, 2012

5 Stupid Times to Take a Shower

by Fred Fingery

5 Stupid Times to Take a Shower

  1. Right before you’re about to go jogging. If you take a nice, refreshing shower right before you go jogging, you’ll just want to take another shower after you get home, and then you’ll feel stupid.
  2. Right before you’re about to go to the beach.  Some people take showers right before they go to the beach. I don’t get this. The minute you set your towel down you lather greasy sunscreen all over our body, and then you jump in the nasty seawater. The parasites in the waves don’t give a fig about your Lever 2000, so you might as well just skip the pre-beach shower. Might as well be nasty goin’ in!
  3. Right before you’re about to take a shower. If you take a shower right before you’re about to take a shower, you’ll find that you already feel clean and smell clean and look clean, and when you take that second shower you won’t be able to shake a guilty feeling that you’re now simply wasting water and time.
  4. Right before you’re about to mud-wrestle. I know some people that think it’s a good idea to shower before their league mud-wrestling matches because they don’t want to get any dirt in the mud. I just don’t get this at all.
  5. Right before you’re about to take a bath. Some well-to-do gentlemen take a nice long shower before their scheduled nightly bath. After they’re all clean from the shower and dried off and spritzed with cologne and dressed in a nice pink velvet robe, they wait about fifteen or twenty minutes and then they go ahead and get naked again and take their bath. There are a lot of things wrong with this: wasting water, wasting towels, wasting soap, wasting cologne.
  6. When You Think That 1 + 1 = 7.  If you take a shower at the moment you think that 1 + 1 = 7, then that’s just about the stupidest time you could possibly take a shower.
  7. When You Title Your Post “5 Stupid Times to Take a Shower” but have 7 Items in the Article. If you title your post “5 Stupid Times to Take a Shower” but then have 7 items in the article, and then you take a shower, that’s actually even a stupider time to take a shower than the time mentioned in item 6. Good job.
April 17, 2012

Paranormal Blogging Activity

by Fred Fingery

Image via Wikipedia

Today we have some special guests here at practicallyserious.com, a team of paranormal investigating bloggers who have agreed to search my blog for signs of paranormal activity. I don’t really believe in this stuff but I have been hearing some weird things on my blog lately and it’s been making me a little nervous, and I figure I should have been Freshly Pressed by now and so clearly there is some kind of spirit/presence frolicking somewhere inside my blog, working against me. So I figured I’d ask these ghost hunter guys to come in and take a look and maybe put my mind at ease. This way I can just get back to making my wacky lists and Jaguar-themed Would-You-Rather games.

Okay gentlemen, the blog’s all yours.

 _______

Thank you, Derek. Hello practicallyserious.com readers, my name is Bob Wickipy and this is my partner Lawrence Tolchin and we’re paranormal investigating bloggers and Derek asked us to come and take a look at his blog here. Uh, just a little about ourselves first. Our resume, so to speak. We are professional paranormal investigating bloggers and between the two of us we’ve logged over 100 hours of paranormal blog post investigation, we’ve had direct contact with over 35 spirit entities, most of which were likely the disembodied spirits of long abandoned, dead blogs. We are experts.

So first we’re going to take a look at the following paragraph. You ready Lawrence? Yeah? Cool, let’s go.

Okay, so Bob Wickipy here with Lawrence Tolchin, and we’re paranormal investigating bloggers and here we are in a paragraph in a post in the blog practicallyserious.com. And so far we’re not seeing anything really. Just the words I’m saying and some periods and commas and stuff. Nothing much here. Hey Lawrence, make sure your night-vision camera is recording right now. The night-vision camera is one of our best paranormal investigating devices. Too bad it looks kinda creepy when you look at something in night vision, but I guess what can you do, right? (Door slams shut). Oh CRAP! What the hell was that, what was that, WHAT WAS THAT? Sounded like it happened somewhere else in this paragraph. Maybe a few lines ago. I mean, you heard that, right Lawrence? Yeah? I mean, like, what the hell was it, any ideas? What’s that, Lawrence? Maybe it was Derek? Nah. Nah. Can’t be, Lawrence. Derek left this blog to us for the night. He was too afraid to stay here while we did our thing. He totally left the blog and now he’s hanging out in this blog trying to lift books until he grows breasts. It wasn’t him man. It wasn’t him. (door slams shut) OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD let’s get the hell out of this paragraph…

Okay folks, Bob Wickipy here with Lawrence Tolchin and we’re here in the blog practicallyserious.com and we’re here in another paragraph looking for more signs of paranormal blog activity. In case you are just joining us, we’ve made contact with a level 3 spirit in the previous paragraph and Lawrence caught the whole thing on his tape recorder and so we have hard proof that this blog is haunted with a level 3 spirit of a long-abandoned blog. As you know, a level 3 blog spirit is like a medium-power spirit. Usually from blogs that got abandoned after only five or six posts. Normally a result of sheer laziness on the blogger’s part. “aaaaahhhhhgrunnnnnnn” Okay, what the HELL was that? Did you here that Lawrence? Think it was an EVP [Electronic Voice Phenomenon]. Tell me you heard that. You did! You got that on tape? Yeah? Okay, rewind it and play it again.

“aaaaahhhhhgrunnnnnnn.”

OH MY GOD, definitely an EVP, definitely a blogging spirit trying to talk to us. But what is it saying? Is it me or does that sound like it’s saying, “Save me”? It does right? “Save me.” Maybe like, “Save me from my purgatory here in Derek’s disappointing blog.” Go ahead, Lawrence, play it again.

“aaaaahhhhhgrunnnnnnn.”

OH WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT JUST A MINUTE. I don’t think it’s saying “Save me.” No. No. I got it all wrong. It sounds more like the spirit is saying “Save…yourself.” LET’S GET THE HELL OUT OF THIS PARAGRAPH!

Okay folks, Bob Wickipy here and I got Lawrence Tolchin with me too, and if you’re just joining us we just got threatened by a level 7, maybe 8 blog spirit. At first I thought it was just a Level 3, but Level 3s generally would never threaten you unless you were somehow directly involved with the reason its blog died a premature death. But Lawrence and I, we only leave very positive, very encouraging comments on any of the blogs we read so we definitely had nothing to do with any blog deaths. * So, anyway, here we are…wait a minute. Did you see that, Lawrence? No? I mean, I feel like I just saw something. Where, you ask? It was a couple sentences ago. Between the words “death” and “so.” It was like a little black spot. Totally didn’t make sense being there. I’m sure I saw something, Lawrence. Go ahead and check the green night vision video. Start from when I said, “But Lawrence and I.” Cool, this should be interesting.

But Lawrence and I, we only leave very positive, very encouraging comments on any of the blogs we read so we definitely had nothing to do with any blog deaths. * So, anyway, here we are…

OH MY GOD, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT IS THAT? OH MY GOD! Oh my god, so, if you’re just joining us this is Bob Wickipy here and I’m with Lawrence Tolchin and we’re paranormal blog investigators and we just made visual contact with a level 20 disembodied blog spirit and I can honestly say that of all my investigation, over 100 of them, this is the most significant contact we’ve ever had with a disembodied blog spirit. No doubt about it, practicallyserious.com is a haunted blog. We have visual and audio proof that * a terrible…OH MY GOD. I just saw it again. Slowly, Lawrence. Let’s slowly inch our way towards the end of this post. No sudden movements, Lawrence. Don’t alarm the spirit. * SCREW IT, LET’S GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE THIS PLACE IS FREAKIN’ ME OUT!!!

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