Posts tagged ‘blogging’

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April 29, 2013

My Blog-Post is Getting Married!

by Derek Osedach

My Blog-Post is Getting Married!

Ladies and gentlemen, I have an important announcement to make. Two of my most “visited” blog posts have decided to do the right thing and make it official. Yes, that’s right, I’m talking about 8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open When Making Out With Women and 8 Reasons Women Close Their Eyes When Kissed, the blogosphere’s favorite blog-post couple. And yes, I’m talking about marriage. Those of you who have been following the tabloids probably know by now that these two posts have been getting pretty serious over the last few months, and now, I’m so very pleased to announce, 8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open When Making Out With Women has decided to “put a ring on it.” I guess he’s scared of some other blog post showing up and stealing 8 Reasons Women Close Their Eyes When Kissed away from him. This consuming fear has nudged him into a whole new world of responsibility and commitment. Quite frankly, I’m shocked. I didn’t think he had it in him. I thought he valued his identity, his freedom, but I guess that kind of stuff doesn’t matter to him anymore. (Between me, you and the wall, I think he’s thinking with the “wrong head,” but that’s just my opinion.)

Anywho, the wedding is going to happen pretty soon now. The happy couple won’t give me an exact date; they’re going all Brad and Angelina on me. But when it goes down we’ll be here to invade the ceremony and give you all the details. What color will she wear? Who will he pick to be his best blog? Stay tuned folks!

Get caught up with all the latest gossip…

Read 8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open While Making Out with Women!

Read 8 Reasons Women Close Their Eyes When Kissed!

Posted in Editorial, Practically Humorous, Relationships, Unorthodoxy | 4 Comments »

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April 3, 2013

Blogging Phenomenon: “Darkcontent”

by Derek Osedach

Simulated Large Hadron Collider CMS particle detection data indicating the presence of “darkcontent” in practicallyserious.com’s archives.

In a controversial paper published earlier today, practicallyserious Space Agency (PSSA) astrophysicist Leo Foley offers what he considers mathematical proof of a blogging phenomenon known as “darkcontent.” Darkcontent has long been considered a possible explanation for why practicallyserious.com is able to exist for extended periods of time without offering any new blog posts. A relatively new idea in blogging-physics, darkcontent’s existence is inferred from gravitational effects on visible blog content and gravitational lensing of background wordpress radiation, and was originally hypothesized to account for discrepancies between calculations of the mass and quality of practicallyserious.com’s archive, considered in the context of how long the blog has been in existence.

“Basically, there’s a major discrepancy between how long this particular blog has been in existence, and the general quality and quantity of the writing,” said Foley during a Q & A held after his initial presentation of his findings. “Something doesn’t add up. No writer can remain mediocre for so long without showing at least marginal improvement. This is common sense. Even without trying, the writer would have to improve, if only a little bit. Well, my latest series of experiments at the Large Hadron Collider in Cern suggest that this blog has, indeed, gotten better, a lot better, only we can’t see it. Therefore I propose there are well-written, high quality posts hidden in those ever-growing gaps between the real blog posts. We have no physical proof of their quality, yet we can infer their existence by the massive blocks of time between each new post. Gravitationally and creatively speaking, they must be there, or else the blog would simply fly apart.”

Foley boldly suggests that darkcontent may account for over 99% of practicallyserious.com’s total mass. “The good stuff is there, I’m tellin ya. We have the numbers to prove it, we just don’t have the technology to see it. Yet.” According to Foley, there’s still hope that practicallyserious.com can one day be a top notch, world-class blog. “Darkcontent is waiting, lads, waiting to be discovered, and it’s high quality stuff. It’s funny as hell, or, at the very least, decently-written. If we can better understand it, we may be able to one day see it, harness it, bring it to the foreground with the rest of practicallyserious.com’s sporadic ‘lightcontent.’

For more practicallyserious.com Space Agency antics, check out this story:

“Creativity” Rover Cleared for Launch 

Posted in Editorial, Practically Humorous, Practically Serious News | Leave a Comment »

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January 21, 2013

Search Engine Optimization: A Novel

by Derek Osedach

Search Engine Optimization: A Novel

Chapter 1. Latest Tablet Computers asks his father why he named his son ‘Latest Tablet Computers,’ and is then attacked by 100% Natural Penis Enlargement Ads.

Latest Tablet Computers Jr., a shy little boy of ten, with a soft mop of brown hair that horsetailed sometimes into his bright hazel eyes, had always wondered why his father saw fit to haze him with such a silly name. Mr. Latest Tablet Computers, a highly respected lecturer on the subject of SEO (Search Engine Optimization), himself had an equally peculiar name, and this too had always been a point of curiosity for his precocious son. Finally, one day, while playing the best version Angry Birds on his tablet computer, Latest Tablet Computers Jr. couldn’t bear it any longer and finally addressed the issue with his dad. With great effort, he pried his eyes from the tablet computer and said to his father, “Father, why did you name me Latest Tablet Computers Jr. when you could have just as easily named me Raymond?”

Mr. Latest Tablet Computers, a very serious man who was never known to pass over an opportunity to throw down some good, manly fathering, squatted low into his son’s domain and said, “Sweetheart, it’s all about SEO. It’s about repetition.” Indeed, Mr. Latest Tablet Computers was also the type of man who thought it was acceptable to refer to his son as “sweetheart,” as if the boy was an adorable girl. And Latest Tablet Computers Jr. somehow failed to find this emasculating. “You have to learn to tune your mind to how the big search engines,” continued Mr. Latest Tablet Computers, “like Google and Yahoo! and Bing crawl the internet. You have to think like a robot does.”

“Yes,” said Latest Tablet Computers Jr., his face glowing blue from the flickering screen of his tablet computer, “But I’m a boy, not a blog post. I’m not something that needs to be optimized for Google or Bing.” And then, quite unexpectedly, Latest Tablet Computers’ eyes flashed big and wide. His jaw dropped in wooden terror. A bunch of 100% Natural Penis Enlargement ads had suddenly popped up (pun intended) on the screen of his tablet computer. A moment too late, Latest Tablet Computers Jr. averted his eyes from the tablet computer and started to cry.

Chapter 2. Mr. Latest Tablet Computers rescues his son from the attack of the 100% Natural Penis Enlargement Ads, but sadly cannot rescue himself.

“Sweetheart!” Mr. Latest Tablet Computers swooped down and yoinked the tablet computer from Latest Tablet Computers Jr.’s hands and, one by one, began to close out all of the 100% Natural Penis Enlargement ads. Except, while he did this, he couldn’t help but notice some particularly flashy wording in one of the ads. It seemed to suggest, in a very confident font, that a man’s wife would really respect him if his penis was 100% naturally enlarged; and so Mr. Latest Tablet Computers, in one fluid motion, whipped out his credit card and ordered some 100% Natural Penis Enlargement pills. Though, even while feverishly typing in his account number, Mr. Latest Tablet Computers wondered what the term ‘100% Natural Penis Enlargement’ even meant. If it was so 100% natural, how was it any different from what he could do himself with the lingerie section of the Sears catalog? Still, Mr. Latest Tablet Computers ordered the pills, then closed out the remaining 100% Natural Penis Enlargement ads and handed the tablet computer to Latest Tablet Computers Jr. so the boy could continue playing the best version of Angry Birds.

Chapter 3. Mr. Latest Tablet Computers lectures his son about how all those ‘Top Ten Ways to Optimize Your Blog for Search Engines’ represent only half the battle, and tells him what all of this has to do with why he named his son Latest Tablet Computers Jr.

Later on in the afternoon, Mr. Latest Tablet Computers took a long nutty sip of his coffee, and then said to his son, “Latest Tablet Computers Jr., listen up. I say it in all my lectures. If a blogger is ever going to be truly effective at SEO, he can’t just read one of those ‘Top Ten Ways to Optimize Your Blog for SEO’ and then suddenly think he knows all about how to optimize his blog for search engines. Those ‘top 10’ things are only a means to an end. You must practice practice practice until SEO comes as naturally to you as breathing. SEO must become part of you; you must ooze Top Ten SEO techniques from your pores. When you look at your skin with a microscope you must see little tiny bubbling vats of SEO.” Mr. Latest Tablet Computers shrugged his shoulders, his point being made. “So, naturally, when it came time to name you, dear boy, I simply had to go with an attention-getting keyword, a search engine darling. I had no choice. Nor did my own father, Attorney General Latest Tablet Computers. SEO isn’t some collection of cheap tricks to draw random internet traffic to your lonely web page. It’s a lifestyle.”

Chapter 4. A slightly altered version of Chapter 2 which shamelessly recycles that content, offering no new information about our characters.

Mr. Latest Tablet Computers snatched the tablet computer from Latest Tablet Computers Jr.’s hands and patiently closed out all of the 100% Natural Penis Enlargement ads. While he did this, one of the flashiest ads lassoed his eyeballs, and before he knew it he’d gotten out his credit card and ordered some 100% Natural Penis Enlargement pills. Apparently they’re the real deal. Yet, even while Mr. Latest Tablet Computers typed in the numbers of his Visa credit card, he wondered what the term ‘100% Natural Penis Enlargement’ even meant. Did this mean they would simply send him a Victoria’s Secret catalog and say “Have fun”? Then he closed out the rest of the 100% Natural Penis Enlargement ads and handed the tablet computer to Latest Tablet Computers Jr. so the boy could continue playing the best version of Angry Birds.

———

Sometimes, hoping to discover new ways to increase internet traffic to practicallyserious.com, I check out random blog posts that have to do with SEO. Usually these posts come in a “top ten tips” kinda format (like this one); and, though helpful, if you’ve read one you’ve read them all. Seems like one of the go-to techniques is simple repetition of search-friendly phrases. Reiteration. This isn’t all that hard to pull off, especially if you have one of those Martha Stewart-kinda informative blogs. However, I have yet to find one that recognizes the existence of blogs that deal mostly with fiction and prose. How are flash-fiction-friendly blogs supposed to optimize their content for search engines? Is it even possible? So, as an experiment, I wrote Search Engine Optimization: A Novel.  Bring on the traffic!

Posted in Editorial, Fiction | Leave a Comment »

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October 31, 2012

Phantom WordPress “Likes”

by Derek Osedach

Phantom WordPress “Likes”

Image Credit Wikipedia

Hello readers of practicallyserious.com. Paranormal Blogging-Investigator Bob Wickipy here with my videographer Lawrence Tolchin. Sorry we’re so late but please understand we’ve been terribly busy since the last time we visited this particular blog. Lot of paranormal activity lately in wordpress. It’s getting scary out there. Strange goings on.

Example: Ever notice how sometimes your blog’s orange indicator light indicates your latest post has gotten a “like.” But then, when you look at your stats to see how much traffic came through your site, you discover that, like normal, no one has visited your blog all day? How can somebody have “liked” your post if no one visited your site all day? Kinda a hard thing to do, wouldn’t you say?

Kinda a spooky thing to do.

This is a very real WordPress phenomenon.

If this event sounds familiar, WordPress friends, then you have been visited by a sadistic paranormal demon-entity we like to call “Lyker.” In life, Lyker was probably just some under-appreciated post on somebody’s oft-neglected WordPress blog. Somebody one day mistakenly thought they had enough interesting thoughts to start and sustain an ongoing blog, and then three weeks later the well went bone dry and the spiders moved in. Maybe Lyker was one of that doomed blog’s last, best offerings. Maybe a really good reaction from that blog’s dozen or so readers would have inspired the writer to push harder, dig deeper, and the failing blog would have lived well into old age. But day after day for poor Lyker: nothing. No “likes” even on the first day of publication. Nothing. No love. No appreciation. So when that failing blog finally died, Lyker became a disembodied spirit hell-bent on teasing dedicated, deserving bloggers with blind, empty “likes.” Just to remind these hard workers that, in reality, NOBODY ACTUALLY READS THEIR STUPID ANNOYING BLOG!!!

If you have a WordPress blog, then you have been visited by Lyker. He’s out there, teasing the unsuspecting with a rush of desperately-needed validation, and then cruelly yanking this blessing away.

Well, 82 followers of practicallyserious.com, get ready for this. It is our intention—Lawrence’s and mine—to commune with Lyker. To lure him into this blog and have an actual discussion with him/her, and to have Lawrence here film the WHOLE THING on his grainy infrared camera.

Yes, yes, we’ll also do our standard investigation for EVP’s (electronic voice phenomenon) and other generic spirit-attacks, like doors slamming for no reason and old player-pianos just starting to play all by themselves even though nobody is in the room at the time. We’re well-aware that this blog has yet to be “Freshly pressed” and that ghosts are obviously the reason. The blog-ghost that messed with me and Lawrence last time we visited this blog—not to mention the one that recently spooked Derek’s 100th post celebration—is still at large. Do not worry. We’ll do our best standard investigating.

But let’s face it: Lyker is the rockstar. If we can hold palaver with him and find a way to facilitate his passing into the afterblog, than maybe the Asterix spirit and the “three identically creepy pale little girls standing abreast” and all the others will take a cue and leave us alone for a few centuries.

Sold yet? I thought so. Here’s how we make this happen. After months of studying grainy infrared footage, Lawrence and I came up with a plan to lure Lyker into a future practicallyserious.com blog-post. And we believe that if Lyker falls for our trick, he’ll respect us long enough to hold palaver. Me and Lawrence will take it from there, because we’re the professionals with the microphones and the consumer-grade video equipment.

Okay. So here’s how it goes. Easy stuff. You, the reader, must simply “like” the hell out this post, and maybe throw up some links on your own blog or Facebook or whatever. If we get more “likes” than any other post in practicallyserious.com has ever gotten before (not a terribly difficult task), then Lyker will not be able to ignore the screaming irony of it all. The “fakeness” of all those “likes.” Because let’s face it: this post SUCKS!!! If this stupid-ass post should get more “likes” than one of Derek’s blogging-masterpieces like “Attack of the Giant Beast,” Lyker will simply HAVE to show up and see what’s going on. Then he’ll see that he’s been tricked, and instead of “Redrum” on the door he’ll write, in the exact same font, “Respect.” He’ll talk to us. We’ll talk some sense into him.

But listen up! If we don’t get the “likes” he probably won’t come. He’ll continue to haunt the blogosphere, molesting the dreams of so many insecure writers. Derek doesn’t like entangling alliances, and he’s not happy about the potential commitment of having to write a whole post about me and Lawrence palavering with Lyker. Derek doesn’t want “likes.” He could care less. He is an artist.

Never mind him, then! Just remember: this is an unprecedented opportunity we’re offering here. You, the reader, can maybe be a part of blogging history. Imagine a blogosphere without the cackling shenanigans of Lyker!

It’s possible my friends. And we know you want to help. But good intentions aren’t going to get the job done. You must reach out to the optical mouse next to your keyboard and aim and click the cursor on the WordPress “like” button and LIKE THIS POST!!!

_______

This has been the final episode of Scary Blog-Posts to Tell in the Dark. Hope you enjoyed, and Happy Halloween!

If you’d like to experience the first time Bob Wickipy and Lawrence Tolchin visited practicallyserious.com, click on this link!

Posted in Fiction, Practically Humorous, Unorthodoxy | 5 Comments »

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October 27, 2012

My 100th Post (a scary accomplishment)

by Derek Osedach

My 100th Post (a scary accomplishment)

This post marks the 100th post of practicallyserious.com. Actually, it’s more like 104 or 105, but there were some posts I disowned directly after publishing them, consigning them forever to the shadows of the publicly unseen “draft” queue (where they have grown pale and hunched and veiny). So, for the sake of this minor celebration, we’ll consider only officially recognized posts, not “castle freak” posts.

100 posts. Am I proud of this? Well hell, I’m not saying any of these posts are good. I’m just saying they exist, for better or worse. Not like I ever doubted I’d “make it to 100.” I am Rain Man when it comes to writing. Tom Cruise can sit me down in a swivel chair, turn me towards a computer, tap me on the shoulder, and I’ll just start typing typing typing with my head slightly tilted and a dopey look on my face. If I fail to one day reach 1000 posts, it’s because some better, more lucrative avenue of writing has opened up to me.

100 posts. It feels just like yesterday when I published my first post about the connection between the ancient Mayan civilization and Chia Pets. It was a tad lame. Back then I thought this blog was going to be all about sarcastic fake news pulled tactlessly from current headlines. I thought this blog was going to be a worse version of the Onion (which, interestingly enough, I never liked in the first place). Fortunately for me, this blog eventually started to develop a personality of its own. Practicallyserious.com went from being the sarcastic nasally bookworm kid to doesn’t have anything nice to say about anyone, to the kid who sits in the back of the class and draws, in the margins of his math worksheet, robots ripping soldiers’ heads off and flinging these heads at other soldiers, like wet cannon balls.

Three identically creepy pale little girls standing abreast.

Only history will judge the metaphorical similarities between my blog and the sinking of the Titanic. We’ll just have to wait and…huh? Wha? Did you guys read that? What the hell was that about creepy little girls? I swear I saw that. Did YOU see that? Yes? It was right in the hallway between this paragraph and the last paragraph. I swear I saw something about three creepy pale little girls. They were just standing there all quiet for no reason. Damn. Sorry, 82 readers, but I have to go back and take another look. I’ll meet you back here at the end of the replay of this paragraph…

100 posts. It feels just like yesterday when I published my first post about the connection between the ancient Mayan civilization and Chia Pets. It was a tad lame. Back then I thought this blog was going to be all about sarcastic fake news pulled tactlessly from current headlines. I thought this blog was going to be a worse version of the Onion (which, ironically, I never liked in the first place). Fortunately for me, this blog eventually started to develop a personality of its own. Practicallyserious.com went from being the sarcastic nasally bookworm kid to doesn’t have anything nice to say about anyone, to the kid who sits in the back of the class and draws, in the margins of his math worksheet, robots ripping soldiers’ heads off and flinging these heads at other soldiers, like wet cannon balls.

Only history will judge the metaphorical similarities between my blog and the sinking of the Titanic. We’ll just have to wait and…huh? Wha? Did you guys read that? What the hell was that about creepy little girls? I swear I saw that. Did YOU see that? Yes? It was right in the hallway between this paragraph and the last paragraph. I swear I saw something about three creepy pale little girls. They were just standing there all quiet for no reason. Damn. Sorry, 82 readers, but I have to go back and take another look. I’ll meet you back here at the end of the replay of this paragraph…

(Okay. We’re back in real blog-time.) Dude, what the hell! On second glance, there was nothing there! Just an empty space between paragraphs! The first paragraph happened and then there was a space and then there was the second paragraph. No creepy little girls. The hallway was empty! But no no no, I swear they were there. Three of them. Not even just two! Standing side by side by side. And then when I looked back they were…gone!

Yeah. That settles it. This blog has been haunted for quite a while now and I’ve had about enough of this! I called the Paranormal Blogging-Investigators more than a month ago, as part of the Blog-Post Assassin’s payment for making one of my weaker flash fiction stories sleep with the fishes. For the past couple of weeks every time I published a post I’d have to look nervously over my shoulder, not only in fear of the ghosts that haunt these poorly executed paragraphs, but in fear of the Blog-Post Assassin showing up and breaking my knees for failure to deliver the Paranormal Blogging-Investigators I promised him. He won’t care that I already made an appointment with them and they just never showed up. Ghosts. Assassins. I’m getting it from all sides here!

Well I’m fed up. And to think, on my blog’s 100th post-iversary I get a spook attack. How frightfully embarrassing! Well, I ain’t taking this sitting down, hope to tell you. Last time I talked to the Paranormal Blogging-Investigators they told me to expect them anytime   from between 5 to 54 blog posts. What-the-hell kind of service window is that, anyway?!? Do they think (know) I have no life? Well, hell, I’m getting on the phone with those two bumbling idiots and I’m getting them over here pronto.

I’m giving them a piece of my mind. This is unacceptable.

____________

This has been episode 3 of Scary Blog-Posts to Tell in the Dark.

For more bone-chilling entertainment, check out this flash fiction story about plants.

Posted in Editorial | Leave a Comment »

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October 16, 2012

Scary Blog-Posts to Tell in the Dark

by Derek Osedach

So Halloween’s coming up and I figured this might be a good opportunity to indulge, unapologetically, in some old fashioned scary/creepy stories. Once in a while I write a quick flash-fiction piece for this blog and it comes out so heinously creepy/weird I just end up brushing the thing under the carpet and leaving it there. And stomping on the carpet. At one point I was considering starting a whole new blog entitled “Village of the Crazies,” where my mutant monster stories can band together and thrive, enjoying the camaraderie of a community of like-minded peers. In the same altruistic spirit as my forthcoming Paragraph Orphanage. But in truth, I don’t feel I have enough time even for one blog, let alone two. So my creepy tales must compete for only a few available slots on practicallyserious.com. In general, I must repress them, lest their growing numbers turn the tide and permanently “creep out” this blog. Especially with the Creativity Rover so close to proving that practicallyserious.com is capable of supporting humorous blog-posts, why risk spoiling such an incredible moment in this blog’s short history?

But if I have a legit excuse, that’s a little different. October is a time when ghost and goblins and urinating gigantors can walk the blog-streets in peace, without fear of ridicule from practicallyserious.com’s 77 followers. I can spew out quick a couple of “strange tales” before the month’s over, and just call it Halloween decorations!

Therefore it is my distinguished pleasure to announce a new series on practicallyserious.com: “Scary Blog-Posts to Tell in the Dark.” Things are going to get unspeakably wicked around here for a couple weeks. The next few posts are not for the faint of heart. Look for some spine-chilling flash fiction, berserk creativity, and a visit from some old friends. As well, stay tuned for some more award-winning illustrations by the artist known as “Mongol.”

Posted in Editorial | 2 Comments »

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September 25, 2012

Construction Begins on Paragraph Orphanage

by Derek Osedach

Practicallyserious.com has broken ground on a state-of-the-art Paragraph Orphanage meant to cater specifically to “orphan paragraphs.” Construction should be complete within three or four blog-posts, and the first orphan-paragraph has already been enrolled.

What is an orphan-paragraph? “It’s a whole big paragraph/wordblock you cast out of one of your non-blog short stories,” said Derek, chief financier of the project. “But you feel bad for them because now they have no home whatsoever, no hope, even though maybe they were interesting in their own right. They just didn’t quite fit in, is all.”

Usually such paragraphs are exiled to the birth-computer’s recycle bin, never to be seen again by human eyes. This archaic practice has lately been criticized by the UEW (Union of Edited Words) for failing to acknowledge the sweat equity often put into these paragraphs.

Derek said that wayward story-edits, tweaked in such a way as to provide at least some hint of closure, deserve a place where they can get soup and biscuits and a nice warm bed. “The Paragraph Orphanage will give these poor, doomed words a small taste of what it’s like to be ‘published.’” said Derek. “A little community where they can be with other freaks just like them. It’s like the colony the pig-face doctors send the regular-faced people to at the end of the classic Twilight Zone episode.”

Said Derek, “A random, mutant blog like my own is maybe the perfect environment for these exiles to have their one little moment.”

According to Craig Sturgeon, the foreman hired make Derek’s dream a reality, the practicallyserious Paragraph Orphanage will be more than just another “recurring sketch” on the blog. It will, in fact, be featured as its own “page,” so that orphan paragraphs will always have a “safe place to get their words nice and toasty.”

Posted in Practically Humorous, Practically Serious News, Unorthodoxy | 2 Comments »

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September 7, 2012

Creativity Rover Ready to Test “Word” Laser

by Derek Osedach

The Creativity rover team has completed an elaborate set of diagnostics on eleven of the rover’s twelve science instruments. According to PSSA, the final instrument—WURDCam—will be tested later this afternoon. WURDCam, of course, is arguably Creativity’s most valuable scientific asset. This MIT-designed instrument will fire a military-grade laser at specifically targeted posts from practicallyserious.com’s archives, creating a fine mist of worddust that can be analyzed to determine the presence (or absence) of humor in the blog’s archival records.

“We’ve been taking this nice and slow because—pardon my French—we don’t want to muck this up,” said PSSA administrator Benny Shmogston. “But I’m pleased to report that, so far, we have a healthy rover on our hands and we’re about ready to do some real science here.” Shmogston says that the Creativity operators fully expect the WURDCam test to be an unqualified success.

Later this afternoon WURDCam will fire a sequence of three laser pulses at a preselected blog-post from the recent past. “Of course we’re not expecting to find any humor in a modern blog-post. If there’s humor on this blog it’s certainly not right there on the surface. Anyone can see that. But this exercise will give us a chance to calibrate our systems and get ready to finally stretch our legs.” Shmogston added that, barring any unforeseen obstacles, Creativity will be ready to begin its primary mission in the coming weeks.

Creativity landed on the surface of practicallyserious.com at 10:32 p.m. Pacific time on August 6, 2012, looking for signs of past or present humor on the dismal surface of Derek’s unfamous blog.

___________

To find out what happens next, click here!

To follow Creativity’s mission from the very beginning, check out this post!

Posted in Editorial, Practically Humorous, Unorthodoxy | Leave a Comment »

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September 2, 2012

Latest Blog-Post Recovered Alive!

by Derek Osedach

Derek’s latest blog-post, declared missing two days ago, has been recovered alive and intact. At exactly 11:47am this morning the blog-post titled “The Sea Train” was located in the abyss of Derek’s “Documents” folder. Shivering and poorly-written upon initial rescue, “The Sea Train” has since been treated, revised, and finally transferred from Microsoft Word to the draft folder of WordPress.com. This is a happy ending to a story that could easily have ended in tragedy.

“We’re all very jazzed,” said Thom Fogerty, rescue coordinator. “Unfortunately the post is just another lame flash fiction story, nothing too awesome, but still we’re jazzed because we’re getting all this press. Hi mom!”

“The Sea Train” will make its premiere on Memorial Day, 2012 Labor Day, 2012.

__________

To follow this story from the beginning, check out this link.

Posted in Editorial, Practically Humorous, Practically Serious News, Unorthodoxy | 3 Comments »

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August 31, 2012

Latest Blog-Post Declared Overdue, Search Underway

by Derek Osedach

Derek’s latest blog-post, expected to arrive at practicallyserious.com earlier this morning, has officially been declared overdo. WordPress.com recently issued a preliminary statement indicating that all communication with the post ceased at approximately 10:47 Thursday night, the sudden change in draft-status suggestive of an accident. Search parties have already been dispatched into Derek’s harddrives, though the general outlook is bleak. Said rescue coordinator Thom Fogerty, “We think it’s possible Derek was overly tired when he wrote the post in question, and when a writer is suffering from that level of exhaustion he might experience a kind of vertigo. A common pitfall in this scenario. It is possible Derek hit ‘close’ instead of ‘save as,’ or something to that effect.”

Insiders close to Derek say he should have never set out to write the post so late at night when his only good writing comes at about 11:00am. “He’s reckless,”  said Ralph Sternwhistle, a biographer of Mr. Osedach. “He’s a risk-taker. He wasn’t ready for night writing, period.” Sternwhistle, who wrote the well-received Derek Osedach biography “Derek: He Rose Like a Rocket,” is one of the 69 followers of Derek’s blog.

Experts fear the worst. Though success is considered unlikely, rescue operations will continue for an additional 48 hours. “If no blog-post is found by then,” said Fogerty, “at that point what we’re talking about is a file-recovery mission.”

This would have been the first new blog-post at practicallyserious.com in three weeks, the longest silent-period yet for the popular blog.

“Please pray for my blog-post,” said a teary-eyed Derek, friends and family gathered at his side.

Posted in Editorial, Practically Humorous, Practically Serious News, Uncategorized, Unorthodoxy | Leave a Comment »

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