practicallyserious

100-word Fiction Friday: “Big Move”

by Derek Osedach

14 Comments to “100-word Fiction Friday: “Big Move””

1. 
   dmmacilroy
   June 1, 2012 at 10:01 pm

   Dear Derek,

   .’…and my wealth.’ Loved that understatement. Quite a move you imagined and then fleshed out in bold strokes.

   Nice to meet you, too.

   Aloha,

   Doug

   Reply
   • 
     Derek Osedach
     June 1, 2012 at 10:15 pm

     Thanks for taking a read! I really enjoyed the language in your story — I look forward to seeing what you come up with from here on.

     Reply
2. 
   Laura Hoopes
   June 1, 2012 at 11:45 pm

   HI Derek,
   I liked the images in this writing, but I was a little confused about what was going on. Perhaps that’s fine, and it would be attached later to something unveiling the mystery of it all. Were the dynamite sticks the wealth? What were the helicopters trying to do to the volcano? Who is “she” and why does she care about this mountain/dynamite? it’s an intriguing start to something longer, I hope.
   cheers,
   Laura

   Reply
   • 
     Derek Osedach
     June 2, 2012 at 7:48 am

     Thanks for taking a look, Laura. I guess I didn’t have enough words to fully answer all of these questions, but maybe I’ll go back and swap out a word here and there to try and help make it a little clearer.

     100 words is TOUGH, but I do enjoy the challenge!

     Reply
3. 
   rich
   June 2, 2012 at 5:57 am

   i read it twice, and maybe it’s too early and not enough coffee, but i just can’t decipher what’s happening.

   Reply
   • 
     Derek Osedach
     June 2, 2012 at 7:51 am

     Thanks for taking a look either way! You’re not the first to say this, so maybe I’ll fiddle with it just a little bit more to help try and clear things up.

     Reply
     • 
       rich
       June 2, 2012 at 7:55 am

       happens to me all the time when i know in my head what i see, and that fills in blanks for me but not for readers.
4. 
   Monique Shante
   June 2, 2012 at 11:10 am

   Love it! I don’t know if you’ve changed anything since others commented, but he’s literally moving mountains for a woman he loves. Disastrous & obsessive, but poetic. The things we can do with wealth! Great read!

   Reply
5. 
   Kwadwo
   June 2, 2012 at 3:43 pm

   A cloud of helicopters moving a mountain. That’s something I’ll like to see.
   I had some difficulty following the story the first time, then I read it again.

   I suppose the message can only be gotten from the last line: “When she returns from Singapore she will see I love her.”

   Moving mountains to show how much he loves her. That’s deep.

   My story: http://logo-ligi.com/2012/06/01/the-standpoint/

   Reply
   • 
     Derek Osedach
     June 2, 2012 at 3:56 pm

     Thanks, glad you got it! I’ve been changing around some of the words, then changing them back. But I think I’m ready to move on!

     Reply
6. 
   Craig Towsley
   June 3, 2012 at 7:03 am

   You have some really fantastic metaphors in this piece, nicely done, sir.

   Reply
   • 
     Derek Osedach
     June 3, 2012 at 9:40 am

     Thanks a lot Craig!

     Reply
7. 
   JKBradley
   June 4, 2012 at 6:05 am

   Moving mountains for love. Well done.

   http://thebradleychronicles.wordpress.com/2012/05/30/flash-fiction-friday-an-addiction/

   Reply
   • 
     Derek Osedach
     June 4, 2012 at 5:55 pm

     Thank you, sir.

     Reply