Maybe we’re too proud to let our guard down. We’re afraid to admit that, despite our mysterious vow never to love again, we’re actually having a nice time. Or maybe we simply can’t believe we got a girl to let us kiss her and are desperate to capture as complete a visual record of the event as possible.
Many gentlemen are called out by their lady-friend for keeping their eyes wide open during a passionate and/or sloppy French kiss. The girl might say something unnecessarily challenging and probing, like, “It’s like you’re looking for something when you kiss me. But what are you looking for?” or “It’s like you’re afraid when you kiss me. But what are you afraid of?” Or, she may say something a little more down to earth, like, “Hey, why the hell do you keep your eyes open like a crazy when you kiss me?”
A lady has every right to be a little put off but such behavior on the part of her make-out partner, but the truth is that there are exactly 8 legitimate reasons a man might keep his eyes open during this intimate moment.
8 Reasons Men Keep Their Eyes Open When Making Out With Women
- They are unchecked homophobes and have an irrational fear that the woman might spontaneously transform into a man at some point in the middle of the make-out session. If such a thing were to happen, they’d prefer to know about it as soon as possible.
- There is a huge, pulsing pimple located on the girl’s upper cheek and the man needs to be ready to abort the make-out session at a moment’s notice should the thing suddenly detonate.
- The only reason the man is able to make out with the girl in the first place is through a telepathic/physic link through which he influences her mind, and if he closes his eyes, even for a moment, he’ll break the connection.
- The man is putting so much mental energy into commanding his flickering tongue-movement he doesn’t have enough brain power left to command his eyelids.
- He has a bad case of conjunctivitis (pink eye) and can’t afford treatment. His eyes are terribly crusted over and he hasn’t been able to close them for three days.
- He is a dedicated man of science and thinks of the woman as no more than another specimen in his latest field study regarding physiological changes during heightened states of human female arousal.
- He has a sneaking suspicion that the girl he’s been dating is actually an unknown cousin/sister of his, and is now collecting close-range evidence before he announces his verdict to his mother.
- The girl’s father is a notorious Sicilian mobster who told him before the date in question, “I’m trusting you to take care of my beautiful daughter. Treat her well. Treat her like a lady. But most important of all, keep my daughter safe. If I find out you ever took your eyes off her, even for a second, I’ll cut you up into little pieces and put you on a pizza, capisce?”
For the companion piece to this post, check out 8 Reasons Women Close Their Eyes When Kissed.
And, for even more practicallyserious relationship humor, check out this post!